conversations

Thank You from Switzerland

2009-09-11T11:39:00.003-04:00

live the life

2008-11-25T10:53:00.005-05:00

"I've been reading a lot about love lately. Unfortunately it has not been out of sheer enjoyment. Nonetheless, i'm still learning more and more what it means to live the good life. p.s. its hard, and its kind of suppose to be." - john murnane, philosopher

i'm inspired by this guy, and what he says.

it is hard. it will be hard. and that means that its worth it. because the good things in life often are. worth it.

it takes effort, there is struggle and the payoff may not always be what you thought it would be. but good is good.

the good life is not something to be bought, sold or won. it comes from a determination to overcome, and a willingness to surrender at the exact same time.

the determination to overcome those things in our lives which we have control over. a willingness to push through, shed the baggage that we carry, and walk tall into the life that we choose. we can sit where we are, never move, and we still have value, worth and dignity. but we won't experience good life good love.

and we must be willing to surrender our own will. because joy doesn't come by realizing our dreams. purpose doesn't come by realizing our dreams. its about the lives of people that we walk towards those dreams with. anyone can achieve a dream with enough determination. but not everyone can see their dreams fulfilled and still hold onto the ones that we love.

and it is surrendering the idea that we can't change other people. we can only change ourselves. and once we surrender that desire, we are free to love as we are called to. we can love each other through the mess and garbage that happens.

loving people is the hardest thing. and that's okay. because its worth it. what does it look like to love the people around us that are walking with us?

and hold on to hope. because that may be just as hard sometimes. it takes courage to hope. it is way easier to be cynical, jaded and angry. cynicism doesn't mean that you've got your head on better then anyone else. it means that you aren't willing to let go. it means that you aren't willing to be the change that you want to see in the world, that you'd rather point out where others aren't changing.

the future is bright, if you want it to be.

may we all hope. may we all love. may we all push for the good life.

grace and peace.

m

DTS Promotional Video

2008-11-11T16:42:00.002-05:00

my friend Matt made this video. I helped!

hilarious

2008-10-05T14:06:00.000-04:00

Treasure House Sale

2008-09-25T23:42:00.000-04:00

Don Miller's DNC Benediction

2008-08-25T21:09:00.001-04:00

click on the title for the link.
what follows is a beautiful prayer for tonight's democratic national convention.
let us all echo an amen.

"Father God,

This week, as the world looks on, help the leaders in this room create a civil dialogue about our future.

We need you, God, as individuals and also as a nation.

We need you to protect us from our enemies, but also from ourselves, because we are easily tempted toward apathy.

Give us a passion to advance opportunities for the least of these, for widows and orphans, for single moms and children whose fathers have left.

Give us the eyes to see them, and the ears to hear them, and hands willing to serve them.

Help us serve people, not just causes. And stand up to specific injustices rather than vague notions.

Give those in this room who have power, along with those who will meet next week, the courage to work together to finally provide health care to those who don’t have any, and a living wage so families can thrive rather than struggle.

Hep us figure out how to pay teachers what they deserve and give children an equal opportunity to get a college education.

Help us figure out the balance between economic opportunity and corporate gluttony.

We have tried to solve these problems ourselves but they are still there. We need your help.

Father, will you restore our moral standing in the world.

A lot of people don’t like us but that’s because they don’t know the heart of the average American.

Will you give us favor and forgiveness, along with our allies around the world.

Help us be an example of humility and strength once again.

Lastly, father, unify us.

Even in our diversity help us see how much we have in common.

And unify us not just in our ideas and in our sentiments—but in our actions, as we look around and figure out something we can do to help create an America even greater than the one we have come to cherish.

God we know that you are good.

Thank you for blessing us in so many ways as Americans.

I make these requests in the name of your son, Jesus, who gave his own life against the forces of injustice.

Let Him be our example.

Amen."

peace

ann lamott & colbert. brilliant.

2008-05-02T22:29:00.000-04:00

piper and prosperity

2008-03-17T10:30:00.003-04:00

i don't always like john piper.
but i love what he has to say about the prosperity gospel.

grace and peace.

m

the ridiculous kinda funny bloopers

2008-02-19T06:00:00.000-05:00

a gift for you

2008-02-14T03:22:00.000-05:00

engaged

2007-06-23T09:52:00.000-04:00

church . . . doing vs. being

2007-05-28T09:54:00.000-04:00

The church.

Who we are. At the core of our existence should exist a belief, a soul-knowledge of who we are called to be. I have lost much of this in the discussion on how to creatively “do” church. And that’s not say that we shouldn’t use our talents and creativity to be excellent in all we do, because we should. But I have a question.

What is it all for? Why do we do it?

Are we teaching the church how to be the church, or is it something much less? Are we teaching our congregations that in order to act like real Christians we do X, Y, & Z? or maybe that’s the problem in and of itself. We are teaching how to act. In essence, it is behavior modification. Because while we are here on this earth, we need to play by the rules, and the goal is to go to heaven when we die. So that is why we “do” church. So that we can remind ourselves how to act proper. Because that’s what good Christians do. They act right.

Most everything that we do reflects where we find our identity. If we see ourselves as unlovable, then our actions reflect that. If we see ourselves without purpose, then our actions reflect that. Everything goes back to our identity. Other times, we place our identity in what we do, or what we have done. This can go for anyone from a fratastic partier to a self-righteous preacher. They are defined by what they do.

And when God calls the Isrealites His people, it is shift in thinking. No longer is their identity based on what they do(making bricks). It is based solely on who they are(His people). Who we are. And not only does He change who they are, He gives them a purpose. To represent Him. To be His priests, a holy nation.

Look at the order. First is who we are. Second is what we do. And not the other way around. Because as children as God, that is first and foremost what matters. Who we are. Not what we do, what we have done, what we are going to do, what we might do, what we thought about doing . . . Who we are. This is inescapable. We are loved. We are cherished. We are doted upon. He looks on and is overjoyed with how beautiful we are. We are loved.

And then our mission becomes to reflect that love. And Jesus follows the long line of prophets who called the nation of Israel on the carpet for not doing this. For not taking care of the poor, the orphan, the fatherless, the widow. Israel doesn’t do what it was called to do. His nation of priests don’t live up to their calling, because their identity has been lost. So Jesus, the priest from the new order, comes and doesn’t just call them out, He does it. The priests in the line of Levi and Aaron forgot. So it took God’s Son, from the order of Melchizadek to set things right. To demonstrate what the church is supposed to be.

Everything that the church does should reflect who we are. I believe that the world is aching for the church to start acting like it. To stop thinking about how to get everyone and in the door and present the gospel to them. That is not being the church. That is a organizing a gathering. And the gatherings are not supposed to be the point of who we are. In Hebrews, it says “let us not stop meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, so that we may spur one another on towards good works.” The point is the good works. The point is demonstrating and living out the resurrected Christ each day. As Jesus said in John 13, “love each other as I have loved you. This is how the world will know you are My disciples.”

This self-sacrificial love is what the church is called to exhibit. This is how we become the church. This is how the world sees the church. And from the New Testament on, the church was called to be a sending church. No longer attractional, but one that goes out and demonstrates this type of love.

And we have to meet together to encourage each other towards this, because there is no way that we can do this without encouraging each other. It is not possible. That is why we gather.

I can’t help but think of what the world would look like if we started to act like the church. I can’t help but get excited and get a fire in my belly about it. Because I love Jesus. And I love His church. And if we, His church, would realize who we already are, then we could see who we are called to be, and then it just might be possible to see that the kingdom of God is at hand. Then we might see the revolution in our midst.

And that, my friends, changes the world.

be good to each other. look at Christ. peace.

scot mcknight . . . brilliant

2007-05-09T23:12:00.000-04:00

click on the title for the out of ur blog.

this might be the shortest most complete article i have ever read on what it means to be a christian. on what it means to be a member of the kingdom of God. like scot, i have been troubled by the growing self-centeredness of atonement.

he writes "At the bottom of lots of our problems is a “gospel” problem. Students of mine that grow up in Christians homes often admit to me that the gospel they grew up was this: Jesus came to die for my sins so I could go to heaven. This parody of the biblical gospel, I contend, is at the heart of many of our problems."

i sense that this a growing concern among a new generation. some may call this emerging or emergent. . . i say, who cares? if its true, than it needs to be addressed. and his first example is absolutely hilarious to me, because i hear it all the time! and i'm not surprised that people's response is what it is.

we have reduced the gospel to having sins forgiven and going to heaven. i heard a pastor say once that the reason a congregation should get involved in a gift giving program for less fortunate families during christmas was so that the congregation's kids would have a better understanding of what christmas means! i mean, i'm not saying that those who give don't receive something greater in return for giving, but that can't be the reason. the reason has to be to show the love of Christ in a self-sacrificial way(John 13:34-35).

i also just heard a message from rob bell entitled wine and heaven. it is a much longer discussion on the same issue of salvation, heaven, kingdom life, etc. you can download it for free here, or you can get it on the mars hill podcast, which is also free.

be good to each other. look at Christ. peace.

q reflections

2007-05-03T00:07:00.000-04:00

over the past few days, as i have painted, painted and painted; i find myself going back to the conference, and here are the highlights.

- catherine rohr sticking to the pastors about not being welcoming towards former prisoners as they re-enter society. how pastors read moses, david, and paul and they were all murders, so why do act different towards murders today?

- chilling with the guys from imago dei and new providence at ted's thursday night. rick mckinley is absolutely hilarious. meeting christian was a good time. a few drinks, many laughs, great stories. . . i have got to get down to the bahamas.

- the worship experience thursday night. rob bell led communion, and the worship was communion with God. an intimate time, yet a celebration of life, forgiveness, and love. singing tim hughe's song everything was a profound spiritual experience for me. everyone should go and download it right now. no questions asked.

- beating hootkey, shotgun, and pony in poker tuesday night and making a quick 15 bucks.

- eating at fire of brazil. the amount of meat i ate for dinner thursday night was phenomenal. seriously. filet mignon, flank steak, top sirloin, chicken, lamb, sirloin wrapped in bacon. . . i can't remember all of it. there were no exotic meats, like gator or kangaroo, but i don't care. one of the best dining experiences ever.

- the panel on homosexuality with shane wheeler and chris seay as well as the talkback session with them. while they remained fairly conservative on their stance towards homosexuality and the homosexual lifestyle, i felt they still approached the topic with a grace that is not usually exhibited by pastors at conferences. they were still very thought provoking and i believe will help move the conversation forward. i thought it was interesting that they didn't let them talk, but instead they were interviewed.

- blake mycoskie from tom's shoes. click on the link to the right to find out about them. they're great. and i love ideas like this that will change the world. basically, you buy a pair of these argentinian shoes, and they give a pair to someone in argentina. its that simple. and there are tons of different colors and styles.

- the private concert with jon foreman of switchfoot. i wrote about this before, but this was one of the coolest concert experiences ever. during the whole thing i kept thinking about mckinna, and how i wished that she was there with me, and how much she would enjoy it, and right after it was over, her mom called me to tell me that she had talked to her, and kinna wanted me to know how much she loved me and missed me, and how she couldn't wait to see me. that was exactly what i needed to hear.

anyways, it was overall a great conference. i hope to go next year and continue to meet new people, continue to be inspired, and continue to move closer to God.

be good to each other. look at Christ. peace.

q conference update

2007-04-26T13:49:00.000-04:00

there has been so much information and so many topics discussed that i can't even begin to write about what we've been doing yet. but i will be writing about some of the speakers and breakout sessions in the coming days.

the speakers have been amazing. the conference has focused on culture.future.church.gospel. so each presenter has taken about 18 minutes to deal with an issue within those topics.

i have been inspired the most by jeff johnson from BET, don miller, blake mycoskie, chris seay, shane wheeler, and andy stanley. i think i only left out 5 presenters.

and last night, we had a private concert with jon foreman from switchfoot. it was like a vh1 storytellers in that he explained where some of the songs came from. he also brought out a friend on cello who was phenomenal. at one point, jon started talking about a new song he had written called "cure for pain," a song he has never played in front of an audience before, and his buddy on the cello just starts improvising and adds some gorgeous fills. in many ways, he made the song alive.

i can't leave this conference and not be changed. i can't leave this conference and be satisfied with what i do. i can't leave this conference and be okay with "just." we have a responsibility to be change things. to present a new paradigm, one that truly bucks the system of the world. and its not going to be by proclamation, its going to be by participation. redeeming those places in the world that darkness has overtaken.

salvation is here. salvation from child slavery. from human trafficking. from destroying our environment. from sex slaves. from violence. from anger. from injustice.

salvation is here.

are we actually showing that? or are we just talking about it? we may proclaim it, but are we working to actually bring a change? do we really believe that the love of God is absolute and that it can change the world?

are we ready to take a look in the mirror and see all of our problems, our sins, our dirt as we so readily accuse others of homosexuality, cussing, drinking, smoking, etc?

can we take the approach paul did and has he calls the sins out in a community, he just as quickly admits his own faults?

are we ready to do that?

be good to each other. look at Christ. peace.

q

2007-04-23T23:34:00.000-04:00

tomorrow morning, bright and early, cecil, hootkey, pony and myself will be heading down to atlanta for the q conference. click on the title for the link.

i'm really looking forward to getting out of town for a couple of days. its gonna be a darn good time.

i desperately need a few days to get away, to be inspired again, to be re-energized, to reflect, to refocus. . . all of that.

all of the speakers that are going to be there are really interesting to me. its definitely a wide range of the spectrum from so many different view points.

rob bell. donald miller. rick mckinley. andy stanley. andy crouch. dave kinnaman. chris seay. blake mycoskie (which i'm really excited about). josh jackson from paste magazine.

and then you have richard cizik. from the national association of evangelicals. how does that fit in with all of this?

and there are people from CNN, BET, WIRED magazine, Business 2.0 magazine. . . i mean seriously. this is going to be sweet.

oh yeah, and t-bone burnett. so thats sweet.

how does it all go together? i have no idea. but its gonna be sweet.

i'll hopefully be posting while i'm down there to keep everyone up to date.

be good to each other. look at christ. peace.

pray for va tech

2007-04-16T23:01:00.000-04:00

i'm sure there's a ton of stuff out there today about the need to pray for virginia tech. but i don't think one more would hurt.

its hard to comprehend what would drive one person to shoot 50 people and kill 32 of them. it doesn't make sense.

here in indiana, its almost a state of shock and feeling unattached. i can watch images of the event but it still doesn't register what is happening over there.

over there. this is in our country. this isn't iraq, afganistan, the sudan. this is our country.

i can't begin to grasp what happened.

i can only pray those affected will be surrounded by others to love them, care for them and be Jesus to them.

i pray that we will continue to value life. i pray that we as a country will move towards healthy relationships. because thats what life is about. relationships.

be good to each other. look at Christ. pray for va. tech. peace.

laughed really hard

2007-04-14T10:49:00.000-04:00

that might by my daughter someday.
or a friend's daughter.
i wouldn't be surprised.

too funny.

peace.

this is the end

2007-04-09T23:16:00.000-04:00

tomorrow morning marks the end of an era.
chewy has had a good run.
but its time to say goodbye.
it was not easy leaving my parent's place tonight.
it wasn't easy saying goodbye.
and its a freakin' dog!

even harder is that mckinna leaves tomorrow morning for seven weeks. she'll be here. so i'll see her again on june second. i think i get to talk to her before then.

letting go of those you love is so damn hard.

all in all, tomorrow sucks.

good friday

2007-04-06T21:48:00.000-04:00

meditation on the cross for the comfortable

Lord,

i've prayed to know your cross, to know your suffering, pain, and death, to be in perfect union with your life on earth. i don't know what i'm asking.

you were spit upon, blunt iron nails ruined your hands and feet and the scorn of others made your life a failure. even your friends deserted you, and your Father even refused to save you from a hideous death. my life is so good. i am not homeless as you were, and i have friends and family that have not deserted me yet. my health is good. i can go out when i feel like it, seek entertainment and lawful pleasure.

how can i experience your passion in my life when there are so many good things? i cannot become a monk because of family obligations, and monks eat well anyway, and few seem to be suffering with you. i want to pray with you in gethsemane and be taken with you in the garden.

let some of the scourging you received fall on me. grant me thorns, too, and let my blood mingle with yours. i don't know why i want this, except maybe that i need you so much. i will take your company any way i can get it. i would rather be crucified with you than be separated from you for another moment.

please grant this prayer, that as much as it is possible, i may share in your sufferings and so be united with you completely.

amen.

unknown origin

for further reflection, go here.

scot mcknight has written a great piece about why Jesus chose passover for his death. you can read it here.

finally, as we reflect on Christ on the cross, "look at him with whatever faith you have and know that your worry about your lack of faith is itself a sign of faith....look at him. keep looking, and faith will take care of itself." - richard john neuhaus

easter is coming . . .

2007-04-03T10:48:00.000-04:00

so easter is coming.
the tomb is empty.
we're supposed to be living out this resurrection life, right?
why do i feel like so many days i'm not?
why do i feel that i am supremely unqualified to teach easter morning?

there are more days that feel like saturday night before the resurrection. i can identify with the disciples so much who went and hid. who remained in hiding, and had such a hard time believing mary when she showed up telling them all that Jesus was alive.

i identify so much with thomas. i wonder why he was there? did he feel like their plan had failed and didn't want to be those whom he had given his life to for the past 3 years? did he not want to look into the eyes of the other disciples and see the same sense of dread? that the kingdom that he was so sure he bringing about was squashed like the other rebellions?

was his doubt more about his fear of getting his hopes up only to have them completely dashed again? who doesn't know what that's like. . .

easter matters so much more to me this year.
i think i said that before.

may we rest in the fact that the saturday night has passed. and that the tomb is still empty. that means, that i can hope again and again. it means i don't have to be a bitter, cynical manipulative man. because what i'm afraid of, well, it doesn't matter. because death doesn't win. life wins.

is it possible to be a christian, to have said the prayers, to go to church, to tithe, but yet know the true power of the resurrection? is it possible to not know what real love looks, feels, IS like?

do we live in the death of Christ and remember His resurrection instead of remembering His death and living in this new resurrection life?

do we even want to come near these questions?

be good to each other. look at Christ. peace.

mars hill evening service

2007-04-02T09:59:00.000-04:00

last night, some buddies and i went up to mars hill to experience their evening service. what a great decision.

their worship space is set up in the round, and in the middle, on the stage is the band. each of the band faces inward, looking at the screens that you are looking at. it hit me during worship, they're taking the posture of worshiping with us. of actually leading us into worship. they are not leading to us. they are leading with us. the song selection was as follows:

Come Thou Fount
Ancient of Days
Maker of All (song taken from the Nicene Creed)
For the Beauty of the Earth
Blessed be Your Name

Benediction: Blessed (taken from Numbers 6:24-26)

rob bell did not teach. ed dobson did. he was the senior pastor at Calvary Church when Mars Hill was planted from there around 7 or 8 years ago. He spoke on the story of Zaccheus, which is recorded in Luke 18 right before Jesus goes into Jerusalem in a procession of palm branches.

the message was great. i won't get into it much. if you want to hear it, download it from itunes podcast or from their website(again, click on the title for the link).

what struck me was that he was diagnosed with ALS 7 years ago. and the man looks just like tommy paino. hair, beard, body, his voice even. he talked about greed and how he wants 7 more years. how we're all greedy. how we all want more.

the beauty is that he recognizes how blessed he is to be standing at Mars Hill 7 years later teaching.

the beauty is in the tension.

be good to each other. look at Christ. peace.

weddings . . .

2007-03-30T12:24:00.000-04:00

my roommate is getting married today. i'm leading worship for the ceremony, which i think is great because it gives the glory to God in the midst of a ceremony that focused on two individuals.

i had a discussion about it last night with steve(the groom), and we talked about how worship reflects the heart of the community that is singing.

yes, i know. worship is more than singing, its how you live your life. thats not what this is about. although it can be translated into the larger context of the life of the community, this is about music.

whats interesting is that the officiant said that he had never been a part of a wedding ceremony with worship.

almost every wedding that i have been a part of and have been to recently had worship. it allowed some space for those in attendance to give glory to God for the celebration that they are a part of. And with all of the imagery that Jesus uses to show how we are the bride and He is the bridegroom, it fits even more.

i wish more weddings had worship. at this one wedding a couple of years ago, the bride came down the aisle, and as we started to play, she dropped her bouquet and raised her arms in praise. it was as if she was saying, "i love this man. but i love my God more." as i was part of the band, i saw, and i was moved. it inspired me to worship with more abandonment of what i consider to matter.

may we all drop the bouquet and raise our arms in praise to the God who deserves everything.

be good to each other. look at Christ. peace.

st. teresa's prayer

2007-03-28T15:50:00.000-04:00

May today there be peace within. May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith. May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content knowing you are a child of God. Let this presence
settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us.

- st. teresa's prayer

ted nugent & david crowder band . . .

2007-03-27T16:36:00.001-04:00

click on the title for a sweet little video of ted nugent laying down a sweet track on crowder's new album. crazy.

crowder's xanga will tell you all about how it came about.

the band is updating their clips daily. click here for the new album's site.

this makes for a great day. . . .

be good to each other. look at Christ. peace.

holy cow! 2 months and no posts

2007-03-27T12:08:00.000-04:00

thats not good. not good at all.
but anyways, i'm chicago right now. painting nathan's parents house. its nice.
i finally get to get away for a few days, but still work, make a few bucks.
its also nice because i get to spend a few days reflecting and preparing for easter sunday because i am speaking.

i've been looking forward to easter for a long time. the theme of renewal, death to self and resurrection in a new life is so evident in my life right now. in many ways, i don't know where to begin for that sunday.

but the tomb is empty, and life is happening. letting my dreams die so that God's dreams, will, and purpose for me may flourish is such a hard process. oh yeah. its called lent.

anyways, i will be writing more. maybe someone will read.

be good to each other. love jesus. peace.

m

theobolic steriods

2007-01-10T14:10:00.000-05:00

click on the title for the link. absolutely hilarious.
i feel like its a steve taylor song waiting to happen. if he still made records.

i love it because its not mean-spirited, and yet it still pokes fun. its also well written in good journalistic prose. if that even matters to you.

also, its good to laugh.

m

cost of war

2007-01-10T13:18:00.000-05:00

click the title for a link to the website.

at the website, you can find out how much it costs your community for the war in iraq. its pretty scary actually.

God help us.

florida

2007-01-01T21:14:00.000-05:00

starting christmas morning i have. . .

given sweet presents to my family.
ipod nano to john
greys anatomy dvds to katie
new basketball shoes to dad
fuji food prep knife to my mom

got new watches
power drill
computer bag
10 nooma videos - (still have to choose them- any suggestions?)
batman dvds - score!

ate tons of food
ate more food
chilled with extended family
family from W.V. came in town including my cousin's fiance
helped throw a bachelor party
ate great sushi at said bachelor party
won money playing poker at said bachelor party
spent an afternoon with Bo - great day

now i'm in florida
went to the beach
walked beach at night
smoked cloves on said beach
laughed alot
ate great shrimp at bubba gump's in daytona beach
went to bw3's for new years eve on i-drive
ordered 22 oz. newcastle, but since they were out got a 32oz. cup instead. same price!
talked alot about the previous statement
watched the bears lose to green bay
drank more beer because of previous statement
jumped in, swam in, and boogie boarded in waves at cocoa beach

got sad cos kinna is leaving in 4 days.
got happy because i still have 4 days.

went to gatorland.
rassled a gator.
held a burmese python.
watched big blue lose to usc.

watching boise state beat oklahoma.

thats it.
not too much i guess.

m

new year blessing

2006-12-31T21:25:00.000-05:00

happy new year everyone!

may your year be blessed.
may God guide you and direct you.
may you grow closer to those you love;
even closer to those who you don't.
may God show Himself to you in new ways.
may you see that God is everywhere.
may you see that all of life is spiritual.
and may the road rise up to meet, with the wind always at your back.

be good to each other. look at Christ. peace.

m

15 these on the state of the union

2006-11-23T23:52:00.000-05:00

click the title for 15 theses about the state and future of the church.

its an interesting read, and is one that deserves discussion, and most importantly action. i'm growing increasingly tired of the new ways to do church. i feel very strongly that we should be more concerned about being the church. my heart jumps reading this. i am tired of how much emphasis is placed on an hour and a half production. not only emphasis, buy resources as well. this is not a knock on those who create those service packages, but on the idea that this somehow constitutes as church.

i know, i know, no one would actually say that they believe church only happens on sunday morning. i know the company line. its how you live every other day of the week that counts. but why are so many resources being put into said service? if the real goal of teaching others about Jesus is to show them "The Way" to live and the subsequently help them live in that way, the decision is the easy part. its the rest that is messy. its the rest of the redemption story that we want to leave up to small groups.

if i come off with a chip on my shoulder, its true. i believe that the Jesus Christ is the hope of the world, and as the church we are called to represent and give that hope. i hold us to a high standard, one that i know i don't come close to. but i'm striving. i believe we need to strive. i'm an optimist who can be an ass. i don't deny it.

its an odd combination i know. its where i'm at. these things have to be called out when i believe that they forget that we need to keep the main thing, the main thing.

in John 13:34-35, Jesus says the following. this is the marcelliott version.

"Love each other until it kills you. Don't give up, even in the face of anger and evil. by this, all men will know whose you really are. they will know that you have learned from me. remember what i did."

if we as the church made this our goal, i think we'd be ok.

love each other. look at Christ. peace.

blogging the bible

2006-11-21T13:41:00.000-05:00

click the title for an interesting look at the bible.

First read the introduction before you start reading his take on the rest of the bible.

Post your thoughts.

peace

m

stranger than fiction

2006-11-12T00:49:00.000-05:00

everyone needs to see this movie.
seriously.

it's a little slow at first, but its not just for kicks and giggles. there's a reason for it.

will ferrell does an amazing job.
as does dustin hoffman, emma thompson, tony hale and maggie gyllennhal.
at least i think thats how you spell her name.

the movie is a great jump-off into a discussion about calvinism.

how much of our life do we control?
is the story already written?
are our choices made for us?
are we supposed to make certain choices one way, but if we choose another we can walk away?

and there's a scene where ferrell is talking to dustin hoffman, and i leaned over to kinna and asked, "doesn't it seem like he's praying?"

its an intelligent comedy. one you don't get that often anymore.
i think i need to see it again.
but you should all see it.
before you go to bed tonight.

its been slightly a long time.. .

2006-10-30T19:29:00.000-05:00

sorry its been so long.
there's been a lot going on.

i moved into an apartment near carmel high school.
its called park lane apartments. real cool, chill place.
i like it a lot. great people in there. there's definitely a sense of community, which is sometimes hard to come by in carmel, indiana.

i'm painting again. i'm actually painting joseph addai's house right now.
if you don't know who he is. . .google him.
real cool guy. laid back.

my buddy eric is back in town. he just hiked the appalachian trail. 2173 miles.
its beasty. he's one of my best friends from back in the day, and its been damn good to catch up with him lately and chill. we've thrown the frisbee, played some ball, and he's helping me paint. it makes the day go by so much faster.

i've been invited to be a guest teacher at gateway church in st. louis, mo. its a new thing for me, but i'm excited about it. i think i'm going to be teaching about going to the wrong side of the tracks. like how jesus told his boys to go to samaria. if you're in st. louis on november the 19th, come check it out. i might need a support group after i get back.

its been hard to write, because i don't have internet at my new apartment. its a good thing because i save money, but not so good because i don't get a chance to do this as much anymore. i actually kinda miss it.

mckinna is going to ywam in january for 5 months. i'm excited for her because she's following her dreams and moving on. but it sucks because its going to be in nashville. although thats a lot better than going to hawaii, which is where it originally was. and we know it'll be five months. california was an open-ended situation. this has an end. i love her. i'm happy for her. thank God its only 5 hours away.

i've started a young adults gathering at northview on thursday nights. we're called mosaic. most young adults gatherings tend to pigeonhole people into groups that are defined by their relationships. i hate that. (the only thing i hate more than that are the st. louis cardinals.) if everybody came who has ever shown up, we'd be at around 20-25 people. for only being a month and a half old. . .its good. i try not to care about numbers though. we're building great relationships. talking about col. 3 and living community. its good stuff. if you're in the indianapolis area on thursday nights @7. .. . give me a call. we'd love to have you. we meet to eat dinner together, potluck pitch-in style; then we discuss scripture. its awesome.

thats about it for right now. oh yeah, i spoke at northbeach last night. i taught on the holy spirit. i get the easiest topics. sex, holy spirit. real simple stuff for high school students. but all things considered, i don't know if it could have gone any better.

to all those who have emailed or called me and i haven't gotten back. i apologize.
i'm trying to work on not being an ass so much. i'll get back to ya soon. please give me a minute.

thats it.

be good to each other.
look at Christ.
peace

poison ivy

2006-07-22T00:29:00.000-04:00

don't get it.
under any circumstances.
it is never worth it.

my skin is on fire.

another moment

2006-07-16T23:27:00.000-04:00

i've only been home 2 weeks, and i've quickly moved back into helping out at our youth group. the worship leader, josh, has been taking us through a 4 week series about worship and its purpose.

tonight, he specifically talked about how we worship in a corporate setting, and how important it is to not hold back. to not be afraid; a good lesson for everyone to relearn, not just the students.

the order of the songs went

undignified
salvation is here
here i am to worship
o praise him
blessed be your name
you never let go

at the end of o praise him and into blessed be your name, i started to lose it. tears of joy just poured out as i realized how God works in us. i was reminded about how salvation is not just a moment, but process. how God is gradually working all the crap out of my life to make more room for Him.

and then the band started blessed be your name. more tears. more joy. in the wake of God taking away something that i thought for sure was going to be the next big step of my life, a step towards a career, towards consistent earnings, a step towards preparing for the future; with all of that gone, i realized what has been given to me here. being and worshiping with mckinna. developing deeper community with josh and jami. seeing how God is working in a church that i had a huge chip on my shoulder towards.

i hope again.

as nathan says, "we serve an Easter God." a God who doesn't let death win out. a God who brings new life and who is continuing to restore our souls in such a deep and profound way that i don't understand, but i know its happened, and i know it is continuing to happen.

salvation is here
cos You are alive
and You live in me

may our lives be a joyous noise to and for a Creator. One who continues to create new life, and new hope, and new joy in our lives. One who works in us while we are unaware of it. One who brings us out of the darkness after we have wrestled with our demons, and have faced ourselves, so that we know beyond a shadow of a doubt whose we are. His. and only His.

be good to each other. look at Christ. peace.

demolition

2006-07-10T17:06:00.000-04:00

i'm working at my mom's store for the time being. tearing apart the second floor of their building before its remodeled. there's something cathartic about demolition work. tearing something apart so that something beautiful and new can be built in its place.

plus i really enjoy construction. i don't think i could do it for a living, but its not totally out of the question. i just love to build things. take it slow. enjoy the process of it all.

oh yeah, and i get free lunch cos it's my mom's store.

thats a great bonus.

its good to be home.

m

wow, henri

2006-07-10T02:37:00.000-04:00

"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand." - Henri Nouwen

i know i know. i'm on quote kick. but these are really good.

more eckhart

2006-07-10T02:35:00.000-04:00

"Some people want to see God with their eyes as they see a cow, and to love Him as they love their cow - for the milk and cheese and profit it brings them. This is how it is with people who love God for the sake of outward wealth or inward comfort. They do not rightly love God, when they love Him for their own advantage. Indeed, I tell you the truth, any object you have in your mind, however good, will be a barrier between you and the inmost Truth." - Meister Eckhart

how bout them apples?

chew on this

2006-07-07T12:35:00.000-04:00

"People should not worry as much about what they do but rather about what they are. If they and their ways are good, then their deeds are radiant. If you are righteous, then what you do will also be righteous. We should not think that holiness is based on what we do but rather on what we are, for it is not our works which sanctify us but we who sanctify our works." - Meister Eckhart

what's good about home

2006-07-06T12:10:00.000-04:00

my love - mckinna
better communication
family
my mom's birthday
cooler weather
new ministry opportunities
my dog - chewy
going deeper with old friends
people who don't let me settle
bean-o
sangria
dunhill red's
giant zebra eye print
my brother's hair
3 hour game of tennis
superman returns
the breakup
sleeping in
a moment to reflect
fireworks
bellydancers who should never ever belly dance
parades
rooftops
muldoon's

i'd say that its been a good start.

the confessional: independence day

2006-07-05T14:26:00.000-04:00

click on the title for a great read on independence day.
i don't usually post links to other posts, but this is brilliant.
so check it out.

m

moving

2006-06-17T18:37:00.000-04:00

so i'm researching what it takes to move home.
500 freakin dollars for for a trailer from cali to indy.
however, it costs $150 for the same trailer to go from indy to cali.
ugh.

that sucks.

community, life, sin

2006-06-16T17:12:00.000-04:00

i'm learning alot. alot about who i am, who i want to be, who i'm called to be, what does being a christian really mean, what does community look like. . . a ton of stuff really.

i think we are more willing to learn when we find that the current way of living isn't fulfilling. we either rebel against the notion that we have to change, or take on the challenge to change head-on. because this type of change is never easy or comfortable but is the process of Christ redeeming us. saving us.

we are not just saved from something, we are also saved to something. we are saved to a new way of being. that process of coming to that new way is really uncomfortable. i mean, it sucks. its painful, not only for us, but for those around us.

this is what i'm learning. i have to come to terms with who i am. i can be unloving at times. selfish at times. rude at times. i'm not proud of it. but i have to own it if i'm going to work on it.

and owning it means that being a Christian is not an exercise in public relations. it means letting others see our ugliness. but we can't do that unless we're deep community with others. and that takes time. and its not a set amount of time either.

all of these issues are in direct oppostion to everything in our culture. we want what's fast, what looks good and what doesn't hurt. if any of these three come up, i want to run. i don't want to deal with the ugliness in my heart. none of us want to.

here's the best part though. God still calls us sons and daughters. He still calls us GOOD! He still chooses us! its not in spite of our sinful nature. i would almost argue it is because of our sin. our ugliness. because He doesn't want us to have it. He has a better way for us. He wants us to let His light penetrate us to the darkest parts of our soul, so that we can become whole!

the journey of a Christian is not sin management. it is the process of God to redeeming and saving every part of us to Him. and it is a process. and its life.

and if we all committed to doing it together. . . my friends, thats community.

be good to each other. look at Christ. peace.

home

2006-06-12T20:02:00.000-04:00

i'm coming home.
in 20 days.
for good.
its crazy.
but i'm looking forward to it.

to all those from HVCC - thanks for an opportunity to learn and grow. i will always appreciate the opportunity.

baby, i'm coming home.

reminders

2006-06-02T03:12:00.000-04:00

i am constantly being reminded of the following . . .

i am loved.
i am a sinner.
the second one does not out weigh the first.

nothing is too big for God.
my identity is in Him, and nothing else.
holding onto Him is the best place to be.
uncertainty can bring us closer to God if we choose that direction.
failures in life remind us who we are in light of a God who is defined as Love.
trusting God is easy to pay lip service to; a lot harder to follow through with.
love is defined as commitment.
God is ultimately good.
apathy is not of the devil. it is the devil.
managing symptoms does not heal anything.

be good to each other. look to Christ. peace.

tired of whatever

2006-05-11T19:03:00.000-04:00

we have got to get off of our rear ends. collectively. i'm so tired of seeing the church be characterized by issues that i really don't think Jesus cares about. i don't think Jesus would be on television stations screaming about homosexuality, the Da Vinci Code, and moral values. i truly believe He would be actively trying to shape and change the world around Him.

i'm so tired of people who believe that life exists within the confines of their comfort. i'm tired of complacency. i'm tired of people who have never gotten their hands dirty. i'm tired of christianity being relegated to what Jesus did for me. what about what He has commanded us to do for those around us? when does that come into the picture?

one of the most amazing times of my life was travelling down to New Orleans. was trying my damndest to be Christ those in need. those situations bring out the best in us. because we can't focus on ourselves. that's where i fell in love with God again. and thats where i began to fall in love with mckinna. working together, getting our hands dirty together.

i'm tired of a lack of passion. i've seen this passion. it exists in areas that we don't like to look. it exists in the mess of life. in the crap of life. it exists in areas where there are unwed mothers, crack addicts and alcoholics. it exists when they see a Jesus who loves them and they don't have to do a thing more to earn His love. NOTHING MORE. and then they cling to Jesus like a 5 year-old wraps his body around his dad's leg, sitting on his foot. the boy doesn't care where his dad is going, He just wants to be with him. thats passion.

passion exists where people who have only been clean for 2 weeks are celebrated, because it is only because of a God-Who-is-Love has brought them there. and they didn't come to church clean. they didn't wait to get clean to seek God. they came broken. they came with their baggage. and this GOD, this GOD that we think we need to defend, takes them in, brushes them off, picks them up, and hugs them. embraces them.

here's an idea. instead of defending God, which seems to be the trend these days, lets actively proclaim who He is by our lives. and this is not by being a dispenser of information. lets be authentic. lets be genuine. lets have the courage to admit our brokeness, our shitty attitudes, our rebellious hearts. because thats what the world needs to see. they need to see our hearts. not a polished, spruced up, i have it all together, fancy production image. but a real one.

we've got clean up the inside of the cup first. the outside will then take care of itself.

our attitudes, including mine, can be so toxic.

because i'm so tired of the people of God being less than what we are called to be. i think thats why i don't like christian television. because they present an unreal image of life. and we are called to be real.
i truly believe that God cares about the heart, first and foremost. because the rest takes care of itself when the heart is in tune with the rhythm of God.

God did not call us to keep to ourselves in our comfortable multi-million dollar church. i hate them. i hate those buildings. i do. i don't think its a wise use of resources when there are bigger issues in the communities around them than whether or not we have the newest gobo lights or projectors or sound boards or light boards or new carpet or whatever it is that we "need." i just don't care about them. i care about the hearts of the people who have felt rejected by the church, rejected by God because we who claim to have the corner on the truth turned them away. does suburbia need Jesus? absolutely. but not the Jesus we have presented. not the cleaned up one. not the Mtv, Fox News, TBN one. they need one who rescued the prostitute, the tax collector, and rebuked the pharisees.

God, forgive us.

i'm done. we now return to our regularly scheduled program. but i'm tired of that program.
anyone else?

LIVE. this isn't a dress rehearsal. we don't get a second chance. do what you love and are passionate about.

be good to each other. look at Christ. peace.

"Young man control in your hand, slam your fist on the table and make your demand. Take a stand, fan a fire for the flame of the youth, got the freedom to choose you better make the right move. Young man, the power's in your hand slam your fist on the table and make your demand you better make the right move."
- matisyahu, youth

2006-05-04T20:22:00.000-04:00

the best weekend ever

2006-05-02T21:09:00.000-04:00

one of the best weekends i've had. probably the best since i moved out here. it was so great it started on thursday.
kinna got in town around 9am, and i picked her up at the airport. the following is what transpired from then until tuesday morning.

thursday

got mckinna a swedish massage in calabasas. jill picked her up afterwards and mckinna hung out over at her place while i got some work done. they came to verge that night which was great because it really felt like everyone really connected and there was an amazing time of prayer. afterwards, we just went back to the dawson's, chilled out, and went to bed.

friday

woke up and rode to the closest starbucks. kinda crappy weather, but it didn't really matter. kinna was here. afterwards, we headed down to santa monica for a day just hanging out by the water and the pier. we walked the promenade a bunch, stopped in some cool stores, chilled in barnes and noble for a while. there is this great place called the crepe cafe , and we had a ham, egg and cheese crepe for lunch. later we listened to some street musicians and fed pigeons rice crispie treats. who knew that they like those things.

around 6, the rev, the doc, NC2 and bean showed up for some dinner at Ye Old King's Head, an english pub and restaurant. kinna and i split the king's serving of the fish and chips. freakin sweet. then all of us spent the next few hours driving around trying to find a tattoo place for the doc to get her tattoo. we found a place on the sunset strip, real seedy looking, but great people, very professional. her tattoo rocks. she got mercy on her right wrist in a typewriter font. very cool. then it was back and time for bed.

saturday

saturday was very chill as well. breakfast with the dawsons. and then we just relaxed around the house. around 3ish we headed towards the getty center with the whole dawson clan: johnny, malia, taylor, carter, ethan and sophie. it is this amazing cultural center with beautiful gardens and and great architecture. and it only costs to park. thats it! the views of LA were amazing. we took so many pictures. . . much like the one up top. it was just a great to experience that place with mckinna. and watching her interact with the kids was really great. carter wouldn't let go of her hand the entire time we were there. and i also was just threaten with my life from ethan, who said he would kill me so that he could marry mckinna. nevermind that he's 4. he's cute.

after the getty center, we were pretty wiped out and i had to get the next morning for church at 6:30.

sunday

sunday morning church. worship was great. . . and yeah. lunch was amazing over at nathan and jill's. jeremy ate with us. we had steak, corn from the grill, and one of my new favorite foods, leeks. so stinkin good. by the time we left, we had enough time to go back and change before the sunday night service. kinna played bass, and i haven't lead worship with her playing bass in a long time. . . it was one my favorite moments of the weekend. right before the service, kinna, jeremy and i walked down to walgreens and it was just weird how far jeremy and i have come in the last 7 years or so. after the service, it was back to the dawsons for dinner and good times.

monday

monday had a lot of promise, and it lived up to it. kinna and i went to denny's for breakfast and then went down to venice beach around noon. we thought it would be warm by then so hopped on my bike and rode through topanga canyon. not warm, and not sunny. there was such a crappy marine layer and it was freakin' freezing outside. but venice was great. walked into a ton of cool shops. took care of some touchups, and kinna got her moon at the asylum. we saw some amazing spraypaint art down there. and walking around through the sidewalk mart just felt natural. i felt at home with her. it was great. i needed this weekend.

tuesday(today)
sucked. i'm tired of saying goodbye. i'm just tired of it. when you love someone, and you are comfortable being yourself around them, in a way that doesn't normally exist, and then you have to part ways . . . its just shitty. and my heart hurts. and then i'll be fine for a week or so. and then it sucks even worse.

so this is a long post. i just wanted to share with everyone the best weekend ever.

be good to each other. look at Christ. peace.

i am. . .

2006-04-18T01:27:00.000-04:00

an emotional wreck.
lonely.
frustrated.
in love.
scared.
hopeful.
in love.
crying.
yelling on the inside.
angry.
anxious.
sick in my stomach.
ready for this to be over.
in love.

but i'm holding onto this right now.

romans 5:3-5
not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. and hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

i have to hold onto hope and to faith. its all i have, really. faith, hope and love in all things, right? thats the only way i see it.

i'm just this emotional ticking time bomb right now. small insignificant things are becoming significant. not because they really are but because emotionally i can only handle so much. i just want to cry . . . all the time!

but we do this, don't we? we allow the small things to bother us, to really put us over the edge, when in reality its the big things under the surface. its the big insecurities and fears that we're afraid to let go of. for some reason, we feel as though we have more control over them if we hold onto them. when in reality, they are eating away at us. and then small things become the tipping point.

while they may, and often are important issues, we normally deal with them through dialogue that shows care, support and love. but when we're at the tipping point, dialogue is the last thing that we want. we say the coments that dig, that hurt, that go deep.

but we're afraid to admit our insecurities. being in a new environment right now has increased my awareness of my insecurities. i come face to face with my fears on a daily basis and i really don't want to. i don't want to give them up. but i guess its time.

am i the only one who deals with this?

be good to each other. look at Christ. peace.

home

2006-04-10T02:53:00.000-04:00

home has nothing to do with a place.

i mean, it can. . . but its not dependent on it. rather home is when you are complete. when that person, or those people around you are ALL there, and everyone makes each other complete.

the place you sleep, eat, bathe, watch tv, etc. is just a building. its the people inside it that make it home. see, the building that is my house is back in indiana. but my new residence is here in socal. and i'm trying to make it home.

and to be sure, i have great people around me that are making this place seem more like home. but it can't be home until she's here. she makes it home. when i think of life down the line, i want to come home to her. those two things go together. mckinna & home.

someday. until then, going to bed is hard. driving home is hard. eating alone is hard. sleeping alone is hard. because its all alone. and yes, i'm sure i'll grow up alot in this season. and i'm sure the distance will be good for us, or whatever. actually, no. i'm dealing with the distance because it's what has to be done. but i'm not excited about it. i'm excited for it to be over. i'm excited for the day that its no longer, "i'll see you in two and a half weeks." that day can't come soon enough.

and please don't tell me about how God has great plans for me, and this is all part of plan, and how i shouldn't doubt God. because i know all of that. i'm not doubting anything. i am not doubting God's soveriegnity, or how God cares for His children. none of that. it just sucks right now, k?

thanks.

be good to each other. look at Christ. peace.

so i'm here.

2006-03-28T20:14:00.000-05:00

i'm in LA.
its kinda dreary today.
it fits my mood.

yesterday was one of the hardest days of my life. leaving mckinna at the airport, getting in my car and driving away alone. alone. i hate it. my heart aches.

i'm around great people, though. nathan, jill, johnny, malia, jordan. they're really good people.

when we got here on thursday night, it was really late after a 15 hour day in the car that included the grand canyon. and the canyon was indeed grand.

friday was fun. unpacked a bit, got on my bike a bit, had great sushi at this placed called kabuki. so stinkin' good. always get an eel avocado roll if possible. wherever you get sushi, get an eel avocado roll. friday night was dinner at the dawsons, the place that i will be living for the next 2 months. great chicken, great wine. nathan can freakin' cook. . . he knows food.

saturday was good too, went down to santa monica and the pier. there was the this amazing art exhibit. if you come out here before may 14th, i'm taking you there because you must see it. then we chilled on the pier, rode the rollercoaster and then ate at this place called cafe crepe on the promenade. great times. great food again.

then we headed down to venice beach. did some cool things there, and if you ask me about it, i'll tell you.

sunday was sunday. church, food, relax, church, desperate housewives. seriously, it was good stuff. after the show was over, nathan, jill, johnny and malia prayed over mckinna and i. it was encouraging.

monday was breakfast and off to the airport. and that brings us to today. in LA. still feeling kind of alone, but i know i'm supposed to be here. i miss her. i love her.

be good to each other. look at Christ. peace.

leaving

2006-03-06T11:41:00.000-05:00

i'm leaving in two weeks. exactly two weeks. to beautiful socal.
i feel so unprepared, so unready, so . . . scared.
i can't even wrap my brain around what it looks to live so far away from here.
i have such mixture of emotions right now.
sad, excited, anxious, nervous, frustrated even.
i can't wait to start working in an environment where i get to do what i love to do.
but its so hard leaving the one i love.
how will i fit in? will my ideas be automatically challenged because i'm the "new guy?"
why can't she just move out there with me? (i know the answer, but it doesn't make it easy)
i just want to curl up and cry, then run around shouting because i get to get out of indiana . . .
i don't know what to feel. . .
and that may be the most frustrating part of it all.

a bunch of thoughts put together on paper

2006-02-22T01:10:00.000-05:00

there are ideas inside of me that can't get out.
more than words & emotions & singular notions
its just this . . . uhh, you know what i'm talking about?
its about the direction we're headed
its the way we speak to our brethren
both out and inside of the walls.
its choices we make
our craving to be on stage
and only let one side out.
see, i am coming out . . .
from behind my fears that HE who is able
can't take me there.
there is an image, a place, a conversation
hope for future generations in dying locations.
for if i have a dream that cannot be realized on this earth
i must conclude that i was made for someplace else.
another world.
so this idea, this vision, this U2-esque desire
cannot be achieved with one man's fire, right?
wrong.
it has been, can be, will be & shall be
because love nevers gives up and doesn't lose hope
so i won't.
i won't.

be good to each other. look at Christ. peace.

today and tomorrow

2006-02-21T00:15:00.000-05:00

i hold in tension dreams and hope for tomorrow while living out who i am today. this is becoming very difficult because i tend to be a big dreamer. i want to figure out how things are going to work out; dream how things could be. sometimes, it's a nice distraction if a day sucks. other times it becomes a problem because those dreams almost become expectations.

i don't want to not be a dreamer. i don't want to not think big. but what i don't want most of all, is that in the process of looking towards the future so much, i forget about today. it can be so damaging.

now this is not my attempt at justifying reckless living and irresponsible rebellion. this is my attempt at not taking today for granted. because when we get caught up in dreaming about tomorrow, next week, next month, next year. . . . today gets lost. not that its bad to dream about those things, but thats what they are . . . dreams. today is reality. when tomorrow gets here, that will be reality. live it up, be the most you can be, be Christ to those around you, love others about yourself. . .

because thats what those big dreams can suck us into sometimes . . . thinking about what we want. what do I want to do.

living in the reality that today is all i have, that today is my chance to love in an extravagent way, it is my one chance to show that others matter more to me than me. . . i can't blow this anymore.

i don't want to live like this anymore.

i'll still dream. i'll still hope. but more importantly, i'm going to work on love today. work on putting others before me today. i won't always get it, i'll probably screw up a bunch. . . but i'm not stopping. . . and i'm praying that Christ transforms my heart gives me new eyes to see, and new ears to hear.

be good to each other. look at Christ. peace.

how does He get our attention

2006-02-20T00:47:00.000-05:00

i think God wants to get our attention so many more times than we want to see it. and then it takes something really obvious, something blatant for us to get it. and its never out of anger, but instead i think it comes from a deep longing that He has for us to live in way that causes those around us the least amount of harm. and the way that causes us the least amount of harm.

i mean, thats the purpose of the ten commandments right? it wasn't about a God who was down on fun, it was about a God who wanted to protect his creation from themselves and the hurt that comes from making wrong choices and living in a way that doesn't show Christ to others.

so when God gets our attention, well, we would do good to follow his guiding. not so it pleases Him, but because He has our best intentions in mind. He doesn't want us to live in such a way that brings hurt to others and to ourselves.

but what about the times that it does? what about the times when how others live deeply affects us in a way that it cuts so deep? i don't think that its God's plan. i don't think thats how He intended for things to be, but thats the beauty of free will. we are given this life. one life. we get one go-around with no do-overs, no reset buttons, nothing like that. so i'm learning that it would do us well to follow those promptings to change.

because if its not the small promptings we follow, there will be bigger ones. and more painful ones, both in the revealing and the healing. i pray that we follow the small leadings.

be good to each other. look at Christ. peace.

i don't really know alot about this guy. . . but apparently i'm like him

2006-01-31T10:13:00.000-05:00

You scored as J�rgen Moltmann. The problem of evil is central to your thought, and only a crucified God can show that God is not indifferent to human suffering. Christian discipleship means identifying with suffering but also anticipating the new creation of all things that God will bring about.

J�rgen Moltmann

67%

John Calvin

60%

Karl Barth

60%

Anselm

53%

Friedrich Schleiermacher

47%

Augustine

40%

Martin Luther

27%

Jonathan Edwards

27%

Charles Finney

20%

Paul Tillich

13%

Which theologian are you?
created with QuizFarm.com

a new quiz. . . it tells me my theology . . . .yeah!

2006-01-30T10:53:00.000-05:00

You scored as Emergent/Postmodern. You are Emergent/Postmodern in your theology. You feel alienated from older forms of church, you don't think they connect to modern culture very well. No one knows the whole truth about God, and we have much to learn from each other, and so learning takes place in dialogue. Evangelism should take place in relationships rather than through crusades and altar-calls. People are interested in spirituality and want to ask questions, so the church should help them to do this.

Emergent/Postmodern

89%

Neo orthodox

68%

Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan

61%

Roman Catholic

57%

Charismatic/Pentecostal

39%

Modern Liberal

32%

Classical Liberal

29%

Reformed Evangelical

25%

Fundamentalist

What's your theological worldview?
created with QuizFarm.com

did i actually do this? what is yes. . .

2006-01-25T23:49:00.000-05:00

I'm a Lamborghini Murcielago!

You're not subtle, but you don't want to be. Fast, loud, and dramatic, you want people to notice you, and then get out of the way. In a world full of sheep, you're a raging bull.

Take the Which Sports Car Are You? quiz.

its so hard

2006-01-21T23:38:00.000-05:00

its so hard.
to make myself less.
i don't want to say it.
i have a right to be angry.
i AM right to be angry.
aren't i?
no.
and i know it.
so why can't i?
i'm not looking for answers.
encouragement perhaps.
i know the answers to my questions, i just don't like them.
encouragement to face my answers.
its too difficult.
too painful.
i'm hurt, i want to stay hurt, stay angry, stay bitter.
i want the control. . .
but control of what?
i have no control.
i don't need answers.
encouragement perhaps.
because this is hard.
so hard.
but i'm tired.
tired of living like this.
living being controlled by my emotions.
no more.
but its so hard.
so hard.

so beautiful

2006-01-08T01:20:00.000-05:00

i was just given the privilege to be a part of one of the most beautiful weddings ever. i don't think that there was a person who didn't cry during the ceremony/celebration. i was a groomsmen, and third to last to meet the bridesmaid that i walked with. as we walked to our spot, i noticed my friend who was getting married start to well up with tears. his bride had not even entered the room yet!

as the doors closed to prepare for her entrance, he became more emotional. it was such an amazing picture of love. and it seemed like forever before the doors opened. i saw God there. i saw God as he awaits our movement towards Him. and as we move towards Him, its almost as if He begins to shout, "YES, YES, YES! you get it! - this is how its supposed to be!"

i was inspired to begin to move from where i have been to a spot that i do not know. and not just to that spot. but to continue to move forward. never stopping.

i have kinda stopped for a while. its been convenient, and i have a host of excuses as to why i have stayed here, but i will no longer. its time. its been time for a while now. i didn't want to put in the work.

i realized at the wedding how my heart is crying out to be in passionate pursuit of our Creator. of Yahweh. that is when the heart is truly alive. as my mind has gone forward, my heart hasn't totally been in step. at times it seems like it has, and i'll get excited about something, but it always goes back to my mind.

i saw an amazing love today. i saw the love that two of my great friends have for each other. i saw their love of God. but most of all, i saw an amazing, beautiful, capitivating love that God has for us. a love that is longing for us to enter into. a love that knows no limits, and has no boundaries. a love that will do, and has done, whatever it takes to win us over.

after God created this world, He could have just left it. but He chose to enter into it. to be involved. to care . . . and above all, to love. this word love - i used to be scared of it, but no more. what a privilege it is, what a joy it is to love. to be in reckless pursuit of Christ. to love hard and strong those around us. . . .

walk in love.

be good to each other. look at Christ. peace.

there is this moment

2005-12-18T23:50:00.000-05:00

there's this moment. there's this moment where time and space and everything going on around us could really not exist at all. this moment where i can look into your eyes, and feel totally at peace.
not just the peace that means an absence of conflict, because it seems that there is always conflict.

its a peace that doesn't really have words to describe; but if it could be described, it would be something like this. everything around us could become nothing, but i think we would be ok, because we have something.

its a moment that can exist beyond a finite definition of time and space. its almost like the hebrew word for "day," it could mean a literal 24 hour period, it could mean 24 minutes. . .it just means a period of time. i can carry this moment with me, draw from it, and it confronts me when my attitude needs readjusting.

and these moments keep happening again and again and again. they are reminders of what it is like to truly be with someone. to do life with someone. to experience the messiness, the dirty, and brokeness with someone. but those parts are completed by these moments. where your eyes and mine meet and we can rise above the those things which seek to drag us down and divide us. where we can choose to fight for what is true and right and brings hope.

and we have a choice in this moment as well. we can choose to embrace it and let it renew us. or we can choose to be bitter and sour and angry about those things which have stung us.

no, i have not always chosen to embrace it, and for that i am truly sorry. but i hope that i will embrace them more tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that . . . .

may we choose to recognize, rest it, and embrace these moments when we find them.

be good to each other. look at Christ. peace.

snow

2005-12-08T17:22:00.000-05:00

a big snow is here. 8 inches by tomorrow morning and there's already 4 on the ground now

it got me thinking . . .

snow does something to us.
it makes us want to be with someone
hold someone
hold hands with someone
make snow angels with someone
throw snow at someone.

it moves us to generosity.
we want to bring warmth to someone who doesn't have it.
we want to shovel a driveway for someone who can't.

it brings people closer together.
playing games
snowball fights
watching movies
snowball fights
eating meals together
snowball fights.

the only thing bad is that people in indiana are stupid and don't know how to drive it in.
you would think that it has never snowed here when you drive home from work in now.

but overall,
the properties of snow are good.
the results of snow are good.

so i like snow.
enjoy it whilst you can.

be good to each other. look at Christ. peace.

painting

2005-11-09T09:53:00.000-05:00

i wish people wouldn't tell me that they have jobs for me only to have them not be jobs for me.
for the past two days, i was supposed to work with a guy on the exterior of a house. hasn't happened. especially when he doesn't call me to tell me i'm not working.

gotta find some more contacts. this is just annoying.

growing up

2005-10-31T17:51:00.000-05:00

i've decided to grow up.
at least i've decided to think about growing up.
thats just as big of step, right?

i've also decided to try and make the best of each situation instead of the situation getting the best of me.

i want to be a more kind, gentle and warm person. i think thats who Christ would want me to be. i'll be rowdy when i need to be, be firm when i need to be, but i want to be remember as a caring, flexible, kind person. someone who exhibited the fruits of the spirit. i think that would be good.

i, however, do not want to be nice. nice is fake. being nice is what you do when you see someone that you don't give a shit about, but you smile, say "hi" and stop and make small talk; knowing that you won't remember a thing about this conversation in 5 minutes, and you really don't care whats being said. nice is surface level, and i do not want to be surface level. i'd rather be a sincere jackass than a superficial nice-guy. kindness comes from the heart. it is real, authentic, and takes effort. kindness is intentionally listening. being kind is to be warm.

my mom said to me, "your brother has a warm personality. you kind of have an edge to you."

yeah, i do. it comes as a result of my personality mixing in some crappy environments. but thats letting the situation get the best of me, not me getting the best of the situation. i think that i would rather be the one who smooths the edges off, instead of God forcing it to happen. i think that sort of change pleases God, and causes Him to look down and smile. i would like to strive for that. making God smile. could that be considered worship?

so please be patient with me.
i am working on me.
to be a better me.
and i'm sure i'll be an ass sometimes;
cos i have not arrived yet.
but i see what i could be,
what i want to be,
and i think i should start striving for it.
small steps though,
sometimes real small.
but i am moving.

be good to each other. look at Christ. peace.

fears and facing them

2005-10-24T12:41:00.000-05:00

i think i should.

photos

2005-10-21T00:20:00.000-05:00

i'm getting back into photography, and i forgot how much i love it.

ok, so i didn't take this one. . . but i'm in front of one of the top five places in the country, hands down.

one of my favorite people.

berries in my grandmother's backyard.

tears

2005-10-20T16:43:00.000-05:00

tears.
tears until no more.
no more time.
no more strength.
but in that absence & emptiness
is a wordless hope
for a wordless pain.
and in the black of anger
a beacon will shine.
faint, and just a glimmer
hold onto it.

for brian and wendy gutreuter whose 2.5 year-old daughter, emily grace went to be with the Lord on october 15, 2005.

some thoughts

2005-10-12T00:12:00.000-05:00

i find that i have to continue to remind myself that i am where i am for a reason. i tend to get really impatient if things are not moving as quickly as i would like them to.

done some crazy things lately.

jumped off a 15ft building into a bush, was violated by said bush in my butt, got ten dollars for it.

went to bw3's with the defyfam(don't worry, you'll hear more about us soon) and ate some of the blazin' wings. i actually breathed fire. so did preacher, godfather, young one and bamf. definitely funny. they call me the driver.

went into heady hollow to try and scare ourselves. didn't really work. but we got a little lost. i think we were more freaked out by the cops, and the possibility of getting caught by them then by ghost stories. although the legend of heady hollow is kinda freaky.

all three of these events are on video, and you may be seeing them soon.

it has all helped me realize the value of good friends. its good to have them all around and i can't wait to see what we come up with next.

on another note, i have started to meet with a group of friends on thursday mornings and we are going through a new kind of christian by brian mclaren. its a good introduction to the postmodern discussion, which is needed here in the heartland.

i am also helping to start a new faith community for young adults on the northside of indianapolis. it definitely has a pentecostal feel to it and it seems that alot of it is driven by an emotional feeling(in terms of worship), so we'll see where things head. it will definitely be an interesting journey.

oh yeah, this girl is great. so is photoshop, cos then i have fun with pictures.

have a good one.

be good to each other. look at christ. peace.

"i was fallin for you, like the sun did the moon." - tom baxter

new orleans re:visited

2005-10-07T15:24:00.000-05:00

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." - Romans 8:28

its interesting.

we're in baton rouge after a day of work, and we're praying, and someone prays that verse. i do not remember who said it, and it didn't strike me until just recently.

and here are some questions i have. . . not like the ones that get an immediate answer, but ones that need to be chewed on, wrestled with, and then take you even deeper . . .

what if someone doesn't really love God at that moment?
what if they're ticked off?
i mean, what if someone is really pissed off at the fact that they just lost their house to rain and water? do they then feel guily about their emotions?
what qualifies as good and who determines if it is "good?"
is it a state of mind, an attitude, or material possessions that meets the standard of good?
and doesn't the rain fall on the just and unjust alike?
if someone doesn't love God, does that mean that things won't work for good, but rather bad?

maybe this is really a question of how we use this verse. . .

do people feel guilty about not loving God, so they then try to love God, but then that really isn't love. . . like we're unintentionally pressuring people into loving God. . .
or if someone doesn't love God, do they then resent Christians/God feeling that we(christians) believe that bad will come to them because they don't love God?
and what if someone doesn't feel like they've been called by God, because they've never really understood what it means to know that God calls ALL OF US . . .

does this make me doubt who Christ is? no
does this make me doubt my salvation or other's salvation? no
but i am struggling with how we use the bible . . .

any thoughts? feel free to respond and point out areas where i may be off a bit. . . thats what this place is for. . .

be good to each other. look at Christ. peace.

"i could drink a case of you, and still be on my feet" - joni mitchell

**quick little follow-up.
i'm realizing, courtesy of a close friend, that i was frustrated with how people were taking the verse out of context.
therefore, my questions were in not necessarily directed at what the verse actually means, but rather at how the verse has been used and the reactions to that.
i am always for putting the verse into the context of the writer and his/her audience, for that is necessary to get to the root of scripture.
just a thought.**

back from new orleans

2005-10-03T13:56:00.000-05:00

so we're back from new orleans.

got back last night around 9:30. i'm exhausted right now. should have worked today, but i needed a bigger ladder to get up to the top of the house of my next job.

its just different being back. hard to get back into the swing of things. trying to get my mind to relax and wrap my mind around what has happened in this past week.

trying to hear that Still Small Voice.

"the present is a gift, and i just wanna be" - common

new orleans part II

2005-09-29T12:50:00.000-05:00

so we're here. (here being baton rouge)

we arrived on monday night at about midnight after a 15 hour drive. good stuff. slept about 5 hours and woke up with the sun because we slept outside . . . naturally. had a quick bite to eat for breakfast and then started working on the grounds. we are staying at a vineyard that has 13 acres of land behind it. its actually really cool because they didn't bulldoze the land to make parking lots. they are in the middle of nature. its hot.
There people from the different Vineyards such as Cincy, Philly, Fort Myers, Evanston and a few others sleeping in tents and cots under a circus tent. Our group is the only one that is comprised of different denominations.

here's how some described out tuesday work -

"We set up a few tents the other volunteers slept on cots under a large circus tent.
Our Tuesday started with breakfast and worship. Lots of groups were formed and were sent to different locations with specific task. Our group stayed in the staging ground which is also a receiving camp for supplies coming from different sources. Our group were divided to serve as sorters, loaders of trucks to be delivered to another distribution center. We helped out in the construction of a trailer bathroom for the volunteers. This particular center has their own sets of volunteers to receive and distribute to the local people. The locals line up with their cars and the volunteers load their trucks with supplies. Some people went to Slidell, LA to cut trees and to clean up people's yard.
FHL group provided salad and spaghetti for everyone for dinner.
At 7:00pm, FHL group had a worship service and a few other volunteers from different churches joined us. we shared our stories about our day. We were all blessed to hear different stories and how the Lord spoke to different people in different ways. It was a hot a humid day and we had to take regular breaks. There are about 70 volunteers altogether in the camp."

yesterday(weds) was the big day. we went to kenner to unload trucks full of food, water, toiletries . . . whatever. we unloaded them at another distribution point that people in their cars came up and we gave them what they needed. it was about 95 degrees with 500% percent humidity. they're saying that it is has never been this hot for this long for as long as they can remember. we were in kenner for about 6 hours and then we left to go to slidell. kenner in on the south side of lake pontchatrain and slidell is on the north side. we were able to drive over the causeway, but you could only drive one way on it. they other direction had been destroyed.

we were also able to drive around new orleans on the highway. all of the exits were blocked by officers. it was a ghost town. cars overturned everywhere with a white film on them. buildings torn apart. the devastation was phenomenal. we also saw a wild boar and a gator on the side of the road when we drove through the bayou. that was crazy.

once we got into slidell, there were just piles and piles and piles of trash on the sides of the road. and they weren't all from homes. a lot of it was stuff that was cleared from the road. in slidell, we were able to help a family clear some trees from their property. that was awesome, cos we got to use chainsaws, and i believe that chainsawing is a spiritual gift of mine.

the thing is, insurance covers trees that hit homes, but not those that are on the property. and then tree removal companies come along and charge and arm and a leg to remove the stuff. we were really able to bless a family and pray for them after we cleared all the trees.

spiritually, this trip has been amazing. this is such an eclectic group of people. we got young punks like myself, moms and dads, grandpas and grandmas. it really is like a family. we all work hard together, and well together and there is a true sense of the joy of the Lord among us. we all get along. we all laugh and have jokes. its been amazing.

i've made some great friends, and grown deeper with some that i already knew.

we covet your prayers and thank you for them. be blessed.

be good to each other. look at christ. peace.

new orleans

2005-09-25T21:40:00.000-05:00

i'm leaving for new orleans tomorrow with a group to help with the clean-up and recovery. we're really going to the new orleans area, but i don't know specifically where. i guess its wherever they need the most help.

i'm kinda nervous, scared, anxious all rolled into one. physically it just feels like a funky stomach ache. anyways, please pray for a safe trip for all of us going. i think there is 25 in all.

we were supposed to leave saturday morning, but lovely rita(meter maid) delayed our departure.

i'll definitely write when i get back. . . . share stories, pictures, etc.

be good to each other. look at christ. peace

"there were two kinds of people to june carter cash, those she knew and loved, and those she didn't know and loved." - said by rosanne cash at june's funeral

dinner

2005-09-21T21:39:00.000-05:00

dinner gives one an opportunity to relax and just be.
dinner allows for conversation that goes for the mundane to theological.
dinner gives one an opportunity to practice the art of listening, which is good especially if i suck at it. (but i'm working on being better)
dinner allows for the the opportunity to drink good sangria.
dinner brings the following : dessert. (grilled peaches and vanilla ice cream are key)
dinner gives one the opportunity to try new recipes, such as a drub for filets.
dinner is good.
dinner gives one a glimpse of someone else in a new light, hopefully its good. (it was)
dinner shows you exactly what someone else is like away from it all, and hopefully its good. (it was)
i like dinner.
i hope you did too.

new shoes

2005-09-14T23:51:00.000-05:00

i love shoes. especially new shoes and shopping for them.

i could spend all day in dsw, finish line, footlocker . . .wherever and not buy a pair of shoes and still feel like i had a great day. they are my greatest impulse buy weakness. for example, i just found a pair of nike flightposites on ebay for $80. now, these are the most comfortable basketball shoes around. they stopped making them a few years ago. and now i can get them in carolina blue and white? for only eighty bucks? why haven't i bought them yet?

because of a vietnam vet.

on the corner of of the eastbound exit of I-465 onto Keystone Ave. stands a man with a semi-toothless grin, a dirty baseball hat and a sign that reads "homeless vietnam vet - anything helps - God bless."

and i want a pair of flightposites.

i knew he would try and make eye contact with me, so i just hoped that the light would change to green, so i could drive by him and not have to look him in the eye. as i drove north on keystone, my heart sank as i remembered, "as you have done for the least of these, you have to Me." there was no guilt. just the sinking feeling that this guy has given up his pride asking for help, and i drive by in my Jetta GLX VR6.

quick left turn on to 96th street to get a whopper value meal and take in back to him. not because i feel guilty, but because the man has to be hungry, and i'll be damned if no one is going to do anything about it. we all have to eat.

so i drove back down to the exit, pulled my car to the side of the road, put my hazards on and took him over some dinner. he took the bag with a smile, said "God bless," and i hurried back to my car afraid someone might notice me . . . what a bitch move on my part. i was scared that someone might see me and then there goes my reputation. oh wait, why should that matter.

how many churches are in this area, and we have a homeless man asking for food?

are we not giving them food because they don't come to a church asking?

i almost cried the other day thinking about it. these are the men and women who need the love of Christ in such a real way that i can't put it into words.

in 15-20 years are there going to be gulf war vets and irag vets with the same issues?

what then?

risk

2005-09-05T23:26:00.000-05:00

risks. we will face them in life. its guaranteed. (not RISK, the boardgame . . . which is awesome by the way)

i like risks. i mean, at least i like to talk about risks. talk about taking risks, when in reality its so much nicer to stay where i am safe. to stay in the comfort of my own safety net. don't stray too far out there, don't put yourself on the line quite so much, don't put yourself in a position where you might lose your reputation, don't say anything that might cause others to think less of you.

in an effort to put our best foot forward, how often do we not put any foot forward?(unpack that statement marc. sure, no problem)

we want others to see our best. to see us without our blemishes. forgetting sometimes, that our blemishes are what have molded us into what we are today. our blemishes have molded and reveal our character. but that involves risk. so we stay where we are. we might take two step forward, then one step back. making sure that we do not let someone completely in. because then they might really know us, and they won't like us, and then they'll reject us.

i'd like to think that i'm honest about who i really am. i'd like to think that i'm honest with others and that i don't put up walls so that others don't see the real me, or they only see a part of me. but that is what i do. its one of those things that i want to break, but sometimes, i just can't.

i think that being honest with others has to start with me being honest with me about me. am i willing to look in the mirror and accept the dark spots of my complexion? have i allowed myself to believe lies that are whispered in my ear by those beings that are not visible? who am i in the eyes of God.

He calls me friend.

He calls me son.

He calls me priest.

He calls me beloved.

He calls me.

When we know who we are in the eyes of Christ, when our self-esteem and image is wrapped up in the love of the One who has created and continues to create in us, can stepping out in faith and trusting others become natural? because as we take these emotional risks, we can know that Christ is continuing to stretch us and form us.

i think it would have been much easier for Jesus to stay in heaven. He wouldn't have had to endure rejection, pain, humiliation, and the emotional agony of being separated from his Father. but if He hadn't . . . i don't know if i could even imagine what that would be like. so as we are made in the image of Christ, we are asked and pushed to step out and risk being seen for who we really are, knowing that others may turn and run.

i also don't think that everything comes out right up front. we have a filter that we have to use too. people aren't always ready to hear all of our screw-ups immediately. but that doesn't mean we hide them either.

i guess its a fine line that we have to walk.

but we have to keep walking.

be good to each other. look at Christ. peace.

ps - if my theology is wrong here, feel free to correct it.

brochure

2005-08-31T18:41:00.000-05:00

emerge postcards

2005-08-29T22:24:00.000-05:00

bubbles

2005-08-25T01:47:00.000-05:00

ever watch a kid play with bubbles. its really fascinating. its like they could do it for hours . . . just sit there and blow air into soapy water and make these H2O creations. and then, as soon as they've blown just enough, they run after them, popping as many of them as they can.

i like bubbles. they're really fun and simple. they're very amusing for those of us who are easily amused (thats me).

i used think it'd be fun to be able to get inside a bubble. to float around in the air, see the world from a different pespective. who knows, maybe end up in some far off land like california. this was one of those daydreams that could just go on forever, like a roald dahl book or something. who knows how it would end?

the thing is, if i was in that bubble, i couldn't experience what i was seeing. sure, i could see God's creation from a totally different view, but thats all i could do. see it. i could remember what the trees looked like, but i couldn't remember the texture of the bark. i could try to remember the heighth of a mountain, but i couldn't tell you what it was like to climb it, the experience of reaching the summit, the thrill of descent.

i could see all the people going to their respective jobs, interacting with each other, but i couldn't tell you what their personalities were like, what their character was. all i could tell you is if they used hand motions a lot or not. i could give you their physical description, but not their emotion or spiritual composition.

so as fun as a bubble might be, and as safe as it might be, i wouldn't really get to experience life. all i'd get is to see life. i would simply exist.

oh yeah, and i don't get to control where the bubble goes. i'm just in it. i simply go where the wind takes me. i'm not in control. i can certainly try, and it might work sometimes. but what if the wind is too strong and the bubble pops? that sucks. i'm not ready for it at all. who knows how high up i am, what i'm above or anything else that could contribute to painful re-introduction to earth.

but what would happen if i burst the bubble. what if i was prepared. i didn't know exactly what was going to happen, but i knew it would be something grand. there would be adventure, excitement, hurt, pain, fear and joy. i wouldn't know how these things would come, or when, or even if they would. but i knew there was the possibility of it.

i think this is what Jesus called his disciples to do in Acts. He told them to go into Judea and Samaria - lets stop there. Samaria was full of Samaritans. duh. and they were basically half-breeds, according to the Jews(Jesus' disciples were Jewish). and Jewish people at the time had a serious aversion to anything Samaritan. they looked down on them. they were tainted. but Jesus tells them to go there in order to spread the Gospel! i can't imagine the disciples faces. i'm sure they thought they should continue to spread the news to the rest of the Jews. but the Samaritans? that was out of the question.

but Jesus commands them. He calls them out of their comfort zones. to take a risk. they would most certainly be looked down on by those around them for being with Samaritans. i don't think Jesus is too worried about that. He's more interested in others knowing about His saving love.

(and interestingly enough, He starts his ministry under the largest empire the world has ever known with some fishermen who's education probably wasn't the best. he hands it over to them, a tax collector and prositutes. talk about a risk. thats not from the donald trump book for success. these are not the most eductionally qualified people for the job, but its who He turns it over to.)

talk about breaking a bubble. i can just imagine them drawing straws to see who has to go to Samaria first. i don't know if anyone would have jumped for that job. but its what their teacher called them to do. first they waited, then they went.

my guess is, when they broke their bubbles, it wasn't easy. but i don't think any of them regretted it.

take a risk. break your bubble.

be good to each other. look at Christ. peace.

verge

2005-08-23T07:42:00.000-05:00

emerge

2005-08-22T23:30:00.000-05:00

totally music

2005-08-10T00:37:00.000-05:00

i just saw one of the best shows i've seen in a while. matisyahu and trey anastasio rocked the lawn at white river state park. the price of admission was well worth it just to see matis, but trey was amazing. i guess i had never realized his talent.

being around that good of music makes me want to write better music. it inspires me to leave from that place and be better than i was when i came there. these musicians strive for excellence, yet so often we settle for less than that in our lives, especially in what we are gifted in.

i find that because i know i can do something, and do it well, i will just do enough to be better than someone else, so i can keep doing said task. i won't really push myself to be excellent, but instead just enough. its actually kind of scary, because i know just how much i need to do to get by.

if i'm leading worship, and i'm responsible for picking out the songs, i'll do it just in time. without prayerfully considering the songs, without really trying to craft a worship environment. instead, i'm getting by. now, just because of my lack of preparation doesn't mean that God won't or can't accept those songs as worship. its the fact i that i know He will. i'm doing just enough.

and its not just related to music. its everything. and i really can't count how many times my mother has tried to get me to understand to strive for excellence. its like a daily reminder. but its in one ear, and out the other.

this is not to say that i never strive for excellence, i do. i just don't strive for it in everything i do. which needs to change. so there's the question, the rub if you will. . . . .

how do you make that change?

rejection

2005-08-02T22:23:00.000-05:00

i believe that we all have fears that we will be found out. that some dirty secret will show itself, and those close to us will run away. we live in this fear. i live in this fear. this fear of rejection.

i'm not sure exactly where to trace this fear back to. but i'm sure somewhere along the lines an event changed me, and i moved forward forever scarred. maybe it was the feeling that God had placed all these expectations on me, and if i didn't follow all them, i would go to heaven. i used to lay in bed at night scared that the rapture would happen, and i would be left behind.(true story)

maybe it was the fact that i always told i could do better, but i felt like they were saying i wasn't doing good enough. or the condescending looks and words from people to whom i would confess a mess-up, and thereby totally removing the idea of a confession.

whatever it is, it effects me in everything that i do. i don't want to rock the boat, i want to keep those around me happy so that they don't leave me. maybe i'll speak my mind, maybe i won't. maybe i'll be honest, but not totally honest with how i feel because i don't want to upset anything. this isn't just in dating relationships, this is in everything.

i begin to play things out in my mind why people don't call me back, email me back, etc. i screwed up. i said something wrongs. i wrote something in an email that i shouldn't have. i took a joke too far. whatever the reason, i messed up and someone is unhappy with me, its probaby my fault and i need to reconcile. or else i will lose that relationship.

its like there is this list of things that i have check off as i go on with life. . . and i need to meet each one. if not, then i don't measure up. i'm not good enough. i'm not up to snuff.

you don't want me to work here anymore? there is legitimate reason? doesn't matter. . .
you're giving my responsibilities to someone else. . . now that i'm finally home? yeah, that stings. . . but i don't open my mouth . . . say how i really feel, because i don't want to rock the boat.

i'm just starting to get a grasp on this whole thing. now, i'm not trying to throw myself a pity party. . . i just find it easier to write on here than in a journal . . . thats a bit weird. . . but true.

i'm trying to figure out where to go with all this. praying for healing. trying very hard not to have a "f*** it all" attitude, cause that doesn't really do any good.

thats all.

oh yeah, check out matisyahu in the links. . . .hasidic reggae. . .very tight.

be good to each other. look at Christ. peace.

fishing

2005-07-27T23:56:00.000-05:00

i spent monday morning fishing up on silver lake with my brothers john and nathan(no, not biological), nathan's wife jill, and nathan's parents. i don't know if i have ever seen something that peaceful in a long time.

life is so busy. i'm alway doing something: painting, ministry, eating . . . whatever. and even though we were doing something(fishing), it seemed as though we were doing nothing. we were just being. there was rest that morning, at the crack of dawn. ok, so it was almost 8, but who's keeping track.

the point is, i don't rest enough. i don't take the time to relax, to be calm, to not worry. i feel like i always have to be doing something.

as tired as i was driving home, it was worth it. i was physically tired, but i was spiritually refreshed. i saw God in the sun peeking out from behind the clouds, in the way the sand dunes rose and fell along the shore, in the beauty of the bass, croppie, and perch that we caught. i saw God in the glass-like appearance of the water, in friendships that were strengthened and in the conversations i had with brother driving home.

yes, i was driving home to work. and i was driving home fast, because i was late . . . very late. my foreman/boss/partner wasn't thrilled, but i always appreciate his flexibility. extremely appreciate it.

but it's something that you leave with. its a renewed passion, a new fervor for being better. because we could all stand to be better, especially those of us who call ourselves the people of God. we can do better.

i have always valued rest and relaxation. some might say i value it too much. but i don't want to lose it's importance. yes, we should work hard. i never said we shouldn't. but we should also play hard. have a good theology of play.

on that note, i'm going to bed.

be good to each other. look at Christ. peace.

death

2005-07-22T21:35:00.000-05:00

a week ago tonite at this very time, my grandmother, Kathryn Higgins Murnane died. my dad's mom. my grandpa found her in bed. she had gone to be with the Lord in her sleep on july 15, 2005. she was 75.

needless to say, this has been an interesting week. death doesn't allow for anything to be normal, even though it is the one thing we are all assured of.

its hard, because i want her to be there when i go over to see my grandpa. i want to talk baseball with her. i want to tell her i love her. and i know i will be able to one day. but because i held things against her, many of which weren't actual but simply thought, or even feared, i didn't.

seeing her lying in the casket, looking very peaceful brought so much closure. it was even too much at times.

death brings to mind those issues that you don't want to deal with. insecurities, rejection, fear, etc. we have two very clear choices - 1. deal with it. 2. run away.

i choose door #1. because i don't want to have to go through this again.

if you love someone, let them know. you may not be able to say it, and it may not be wise to say it, but that doesn't mean you can't show it.
if you're scared of something, face it head on.
if you have dreams, follow them. we hear that so many times and pass it off as bullshit, but its not. it is so not bullshit.
in all things, follow your heart.
love Jesus. love others.
cherish those around you.
be yourself. . . . don't let anyone else determine what yourself is.

and most of all, i truly believe that the most important questions do not revolve around whether or not we'll go to heaven.

the most important questions revolve around whether or not we are doing our part to bring the kingdom of heaven to earth. they revolve around doing kingdom work. see the following post.

be good to each other. look at Christ. peace.

salvation of the world

2005-07-14T10:41:00.000-05:00

"to believe in God is to believe in the salvation of the world. the paradox of our time is that those who believe in God do not believe in the salvation of the world, and those who believe in the future of the world do not believe in God.

christians believe in "the end of the world," they expect the final catastrophe, the punishment of others.

atheists in their turn . . . refuse to believe in God because Christians believe in Him and take no interest in the world . . .

which is the more culpable ignorance?

. . . I often say to myself that, in our religion, God must feel very much alone: for is there anyone besides God who believes in the salvation of the world? God seeks among us sons and daughters who resemble him enough, who love the world enough so that he could send them into the world to save it." - Louis Evely, In the Christian Spirit (Image, 1975)

this is not the salvation that means "lets get your butt into heaven and out of hell" but more of a social justice type definition, but its even more than that. coming from a very conservative and almost fundamental background, i find myself gravitating towards the "eternal" salvation aspect . . . when there is so much more to salvation. when the Isrealites said that God was their salvation in getting out Egypt, He was their salvation from living in bondage, and He rescued them from that way of living.

and these words don't even begin to grasp the full meaning of that word . . . salvation.

any thoughts?

hold me jesus

2005-07-05T21:42:00.000-05:00

well sometimes my life just don't make sense at all
when the mountains look so big
and my faith just seems so small

so hold me Jesus
'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
you have been King of my glory
won't You be my Prince of Peace

and I wake up in the night
and feel the dark
it's so hot inside my soul
i swear there must be blisters on my heart

so hold me Jesus
'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
you have been King of my glory
won't You be my Prince of Peace

surrender don't come natural to me
i'd rather fight You for something I don't really want
than to take what You give that I need
and I've beat my head against so many walls
now I'm falling down
i'm falling on my knees

and this Salvation Army band is playing this hymn
and Your grace rings out so deep
it makes my resistance seem so thin

i'm singing hold me Jesus
'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
you have been King of my glory
won't You be my Prince of Peace
you have been King of my glory
won't You be my Prince of Peace

by rich mullins

how am i . . . .

2005-07-05T21:41:00.000-05:00

how am i supposed to lead worship for a communion night when the last thing i want to do is worship?

how am i supposed to speak to young people about love and relationships when everything i thought i knew about that stuff has been turned upside down in the last month and a half?

how am i supposed to pay bills when the absolute last thing i'm worried about right now is money?

how i am i supposed to live life to the fullest when i don't even want to get up in the morning?

how am i supposed to mentor/give someone advice about being a christian when thats the last thing i feel like?

i haven't wanted to admit it . . . but i am in a wilderness(seriously, thanks jim). i have no clue what i'm doing, where i am going, and to some degree, who i am. i don't like it. i can't stand it. and its so frustrating because it seems like everyone else's blessings, favor, luck . . . . whatever is just flowing.

me? i have no job. no direction. is it that selfish? hell yes. and i'm fighting that too. fighting that cynical, bitter, pissed off at the world attitude cos i know it won't do anything.

and it seems like all those close to me are worried about is my financial future. honestly, f*** that. thats the last thing i'm worried about. i feel so empty spiritually right now. . . money is my last concern. i feel so alone. like i'm doing this alone. which is probably the case.

on a side note, i don't mean "feel" like the temporary emotional thing. its more like its what i sense, how i feel in the deepest part of me. just to clear that up.

i was thinking about when Christ was called out into the wilderness. first, he had to make the choice to go there. he may have been called, but he still had to choose to go there. i feel like i have chosen to be here. that in a few ways, i was called here, but i didn't know it at the time. but now i can tell thats what it was.

second, the devil appealed to his human-ness. his human needs(food), his human desires(power), and human struggles (doubt - at least thats how i see the temptation of throwing himself off a cliff for the angels to save Him).

third, and most importantly, Christ never gave into them. instead, he was ready with a witty, truth-filled comeback.

what are my temptations? to just give up. to do nothing. to drink. i don't want to give into any of them. i really, really, really don't. i won't drink like that either. i know its not worth it.

but i'm struck by feelings of emptiness. perhaps this is how those to struggle with addictions started out. this feeling of nothingness. now, i know that there is a God, that He loves me, and that i can hold onto His promises, such has Jer. 29:11.

but that doesn't make any of this easy.

i'm going to california on friday morning, which i hope will be a time to relax a bit and find some direction. i'm looking forward to it.

please pray.

be good to each other. look at Christ. peace.

the state of unrest

2005-06-28T23:35:00.000-05:00

we are creatures of comfort. always have been, always will be. unless we make the concerted effort to change. but that change takes us out of our comfort.

we like to stay exactly where we are. maybe i should call this blog . . . changes.

we like whats convienent. because we don't have to work at anything, we can just chill. its what i like to do. but God is definitely into more than just me chilling, because i definitely can't now. its all in that spirit of unrest. a period of havoc.

what i think i want to do, i end up not doing. what i always thought and swore that i wouldn't do, i now want to do. i'm thinking about going into ministry. . . i swear i always thought that that was the last thing i would do. but its what i have a passion for.

sometimes we need to be awakened from out of a state of complacency, convienence. because i definitely can't do anything thats convienent now.

my very first post was about how we create bubbles and how much we like to stay in them. then i go out and create these bubbles and they are all busting up.

job? about to be gone.
relationship? gone.
security? gone.
ministry spot? never the same each week.

and then He is what i am left with. its not profound or anything, but thats where i'm at. we all need to get to that point, because if we're anywhere else we trust in ourselves. maybe thats what poor in spirit means.

we must fight the battle against being comfortable. we always talk about going outside of our comfort zones on missions trips in other countries, a physical comfort zone where we feel awkward around a different group of people.

but what about a spiritual comfort zone? when we feel so secure in what is going on in our lives, that we feel so certain that we are heading in the right direction, that all the answers are so easy. . . . .cause those never really seem to last. leaving that comfort zone and getting to the point where we have to trust in something beyond ourselves. where we are only left with He who has redeemed us, called us by name, and died so that we may have life.

if we just wait for God to do something. . . tell us directly which way to head, i think we might be disappointed. just start moving towards Him . . . and He will direct your path. thats a promise. forget where. . .but its a promise.

so in a state of unrest, i choose to continue to move. praying that He directs my path, that i can be a blessing to those around me. believing that there are great things in store. . .

but i gotta keep moving thats for real, cos baby ain't no standin' still.

be good to each other. look at Christ. cheers.

ps . . . .sorry if i rambled . . . its late and i'm trying to flush this stuff out. . .

europe last summer

2005-06-27T23:23:00.000-05:00

i was in europe last summer.
it was awesome.
here are some pictures.
i love them.

job

2005-06-27T16:43:00.000-05:00

after friday, i don't have a job.
that sucks.
but at the same time, i'm kinda excited.
cos i think some very cool things are happening.
so hopefully fuller works out.
its my only option left.

the thing about the job is that its not that i was doing a bad job. on the contrary. my boss said that if the company was going to continue in the same direction it was heading, he wouldn't hesitate to increase my pay and bring me on salary.

but they're not. they're moving towards being a software company, and me being the project manager of the print division . . . well they just don't go together.

soooooo . . . anyone got a job for me?

blah blah blah

2005-06-24T16:02:00.000-05:00

so i'm sitting at work right now.
its 3:50 pm on friday.
i'm listening to my boo by usher and alicia keys.
and i am extremely bored.
and tired.
and frustrated.

i'm caught up in a thought about the difference between wishing and desire, and the fundamental difference between the two. wishing doesn't lead to anything except a good daydream. however, a desire fuels action. it can be any sort of desire. anger, love, hate, jealousy, to change the world, to win someone over. whatever the desire is we act on it.

i think i'm wishing too much and consequently letting those wishes stay where they are. i think i'm one of those people in Bruce Almighty who just asks for things, expecting a return immediately.

sometimes God doesn't respond immediately to our prayers so that we'll stay and talk some more.

i'm just praying - aka wishing - that things will happen, instead of doing something about it myself. its a tough spot to be at. in fact, i really don't like it. because it calls my selfish nature out into the open, and i reallyreallyreally don't like that.

so now my question - prayer - is how do i turn that corner? how do i go from wishing to desiring and therefore acting on that desire. actually bring about a change in something. i confess, i'm a great at talking. i'm great at writing.

but its all utter bullshit. unless i move from wishing to desiring. and from there to action.

God - help me desire instead of wish. please.

be good to each other. look at Christ. cheers

global warming. . . . argh

2005-06-23T00:34:00.000-05:00

read this article and then post what you think.

honestly, this goes beyond party allegiances. we are killing our planet, and eventually everything in it.

we have a republican who gets the picture more than most of his party and a democrat who understands that this is not just a party issue. i mean, they tried to get this legislation to pass in 2003, but everyone claims the economy will suffer. why?

oh yeah, and did you hear the story about how a white house aide would change the language of environment reports so that the language was not as direct? google that.

ridiculous.

a poem full of cheezy-ness . . . .oh well

2005-06-23T00:24:00.000-05:00

it’s a doorway to the unknown
to passion, to love, to hope
it takes me away into higher places
above the trees, in clouds, to celestial spaces
your lips part slowly
eyes open ever so slightly
dimples come from out-of-nowhere
wait for it. . . it just might be. . .
yup. its your smile.

cheesy? yeah. i know.

whatever. i like it.

its just about how a girl smiling at a guy can make his day.
or a smile can make anyone's day.
so smile. ok?

life to the fullest

2005-06-18T00:32:00.000-05:00

i was reminded by a good friend tonite to live life to the fullest and how important it is to not forget that. and how incredibly important it is to remember that is what God wants for us. its just funny because our idea for life to the fullest can be different than what God's idea of life to the fullest is.

we can't forget to dream. and dream big. what are the deepest desires of our heart? because those are there for a reason. those dreams and passions are where we meet God, where we feel God's pleasure(see Chariots of Fire). what we know to be true deep inside of cannot be ignored. and it won't be ignored.

i'm really getting into some serious 80's music. 99 red balloons, walking on sunshine, hungry like the wolf and chameleon just to name a few songs. its great stuff. i'd really like to cover some of them, redo them; stuff like that.

i've also been challenged at what love is. again. true love. Christ-like love. Jesus didn't tell people to change and then come to him. He said to just come to Him. and then He will help us make those changes. this comes from a program in chicago that is run by the chicago recovery alliance. they run a needle exchange for drug addicts. now, no one is saying that what they are doing is good, but they are a life. and life is precious to God.

i'll be honest. i didn't totally agree with the program at first. but the more i thought about, prayed about it, i saw God working through that program. any positive change is just that: a positive change. redundant statement? yes. important statement? even more so. do i want people to be addicts? uh, no. but do i want them to live in order that they may one day find life to the fullest? hmmm. . . . .yes. .(thank you K for this. i hope i didn't overgeneralize, or oversimplify anything. feel free to correct me if i missed something - you are being Christ to those people)

i also think that it is vitally important to make sure we're not waging war on users, but dealers; but that is a completely different story.

we all have addictions; some just worst than others. some more visible than others. but lets call them all by the same name. addictions. and we want to hide them. for more on what we hide, check out this post.

anyways, i'm going to bed.

oh yeah, i can be computer retarded sometimes, but i finally figured out how to post pictures.

be good to each other. look at Christ. cheers.

two posts in two days - how 'bout that

2005-06-15T22:57:00.000-05:00

uncertainty can lead to one of two things. faith or despair. i'm pullin' for the former.

the whole lemonade from lemons things fails to comprehend the need for sugar. ya gotta have the sweet goodness.

there is serious discussion happening to head to california this fall. kpaul and i are going to fuller. at least i think. if they let me in. thats gonna be the tricky part. but i'm scared to jump in with both feet. i mean, i want to get out of here(read midwest, biblebelt, indiana, compassionate conservatism, whatever) but i like the familiarity that is here.

so yes. i, marcelliottmurnane, am scared. kind of. i mean, i don't like to admit it. but i will just this once. so don't go telling everyone. but i think that usually a good place to be at. scared of what could happen. . . but its a fear of change. and i, who talk so much about change am afraid to go through it. figures.

so this is something that i'll have to jump in with both feet. just go for the gusto.

thats kinda been the story of my life. i usually do take the safe route. take the most secure way. so maybe thats part of all this too.

its like the crazy hurricane is wreaking havoc all around me. . . but i'm in the center of it all. . .just chilling. . . where the peace is. . .

where are you all at? any confusion at all? am i the only one who is feeling like this?

and yes i know. . . i should read the post below. . .but much of the post below came from these thoughts. . . .so there. . .gotta have the cause and the effect. . .

be good to each other. look at Christ. peace

the mystery of God

2005-06-15T01:00:00.000-05:00

so i'm supposed to speak tomorrow night on the mystery of God.

huh. how can i speak about something thats a mystery? i mean, seriously . . . . how do you talk about something that you are struggling to get your brain around?

but i think i've been approaching it all wrong.

how many times have we remarked that we don't know what God wants us to do? That we don't know our calling, what we should do with our lives, etc. . . . .

a dear friend told me something. "its not that we don't know what the right thing to do is. we do know. we just don't want to do it."

its not that we don't know what God wants us to do. in fact, we do know. we just don't want to do it. we want the specific direction. we want the laid out plans, the annual program, and the process that will take us where we are going. how often have i got caught up in trying to figure out what i'm supposed to do with my life. . . . i can't even begin to say often i think about that during the week.

i think its in our nature to not embrace mystery, though. we want to plan things out. figure out where we'll be in 4.5 years. what kind of job we'll have, who we'll be married to, how much money we'll be making, etc. its trusting that God will take care of things (see Matt. 6:25-34).

C.S. Lewis writes in Screwtape Letters about how getting caught up in the future will detract us from living for today. its not thinking about our future in heaven that creates problems, but dwelling on what will happen tomorrow, and the day after that. . . .instead of focusing on getting the most out of today. its okay to not know whats going to happen tomorrow, or the next day, or in they next year. but thats not our nature. thats definitely not my nature.

i'm a dreamer. i could sit and daydream about all the things i want to do. but in the daydreaming, i lose sight of what i could be doing today. today matters. does tomorrow matter? absolutely. but i can't do anything about it yet. so i have to make today count.

to embrace the mystery of God is to trust His plans(Jer. 29:11), and to live a life of worship.

but there is more to the mystery. He loves us. that he accepts us in our human, frail, and failed condition. that He redeems us. we did nothing to deserve this. but its there for us. all of us. ALL of us. we don't choose who is offered this salvation. and what does salvation mean anyways?(another topic for another time) i believe that Christ weeps for those that are living in pain and wants them to know that He loves them, regardless of whether or not they love Him back.

i don't pretend to understand all of this. thats why its called a mystery (hinthintnudgenudgewinkwink). but i'm starting to understand how to embrace that mystery. we embrace it in a desire to make today matter. in trust that God will provide all that we need. in faith that tomorrow will come, and will soon be today.

so i say to you, dear reader. . . .make today matter. . . allow the mystery of tomorrow to be there. trust in Him who promises to provide. for faith is to be sure of the things that we can't see. without mystery, where would faith be? we probably wouldn't need it(at least i think - i have to chew on that for a minute).

let me know if i'm making sense. i'm supposed to talk about this stuff.

be good to each other. look at Christ. cheers

m

what we hide

2005-06-07T23:31:00.000-05:00

we all hide things. its our nature as humans. we don't want the ugliness to be exposed. it doesn't matter what you believe, who you believe in or how strong you believe it. we all have something to hide.

its not fun to think about and its definitely not fun to do anything about it. confronting it is not something to look forward to, nor confessing it. we all have something that we don't want anyone else to know about. it could embarrass us, destroy us, destroy others or all of the above. secrets don't play favorites, but they always play games.

i am coming to grips with my own faults and failures. its not easy. never really is. but if i am going to continue to grow as person - as a man of God - this confrontation is necessary.

this is the grotesqueness that is sin. it is sneaks in, gradually builds up, gets you while your defenses are down, and then festers. whatever it is - it festers. it doesn't have to be something that you actually do, it could just be in your mind. but it grows until its out of control, and then you don't know exactly how it happened, but its this big monster and you don't want anyone to know about it because they'd certainly look down on you for having such a dark secret.

so we hide it more.(i realize that i continue to change perspectives as i write. such is blogging.) its not easy, but we make excuses. we do whatever we have to do so that no one will ever find out.

but then someone asks tough questions. questions that can't be skirted around, and all of a sudden we're face to face with the beast we dred the most. so finally, and almost unwillingly, we confess.

and a weight that we had been dragging around by our necks is suddenly lightened a bit. so we talk about it a bit more, and it becomes a bit lighter. and if there is someone that we needed to specifically confess to, we do, and it all of a sudden, we wonder why hadn't spoke up earlier.

the problem is, sometimes its too late. and you don't want it to be, but it is. does that make it all worth nothing? hell no. but that doesn't mean you can stop dealing with it. see, we are all in process in every area of our lives. we are either going forward or back. so if we don't deal with it on a daily basis. . . well thats not really the best direction to head. we must continue to heal, continue to work out salvation in fear and trembling, knowing that we can't make it on our own.(thanks bono)

see thats what it means to be truly set free from sin. upon first glance, it doesn't make much sense. we see the bible as a book of rules. we miss the freedom that is given to us. see, i don't have to live in fear that any dark secrets will overtake me. i don't have to be trapped by what i struggle with. Christ's death frees me, frees us from that.

the opposite of fear is faith. and when we place that faith in that which cannot be destroyed we are given freedom. we are given grace. we are given power. power over that which seeks to steal, kill and destroy.

freedom to live in the abundant grace that is God's love.

at first glance, i don't like the secret monsters. on a second glance, i don't like what those secrets will do to me.

we all need that rest and freedom. i encourage you to find it today. He's waiting to freely give it to you.

be good to each other. look at Christ. cheers

m*

well, its late

2005-05-31T23:20:00.000-05:00

its late, and i should be going to bed.

i just got back from ireland yesterday, and it was an amazing trip. so much to see over there, and such a beautiful country. went to dublin, galway, greystones, and brey. also saw the cliffs of moher. such a beautiful place. drank some guinness. drank some bulmer's cider - that was excellent. ate a bit of fish and chips. took in a bit of the pub life. just a great time. but alas, i have more to write than what i did. it was a lot of what i noticed.

see, they value things differently over there. they value their relationships, their friendships. and not that i really got to know them or anything, but it was one particular thing. the fact that their stores close at around six-ish said it all. the grocery stays open. as do pubs and restaurants, but thats it. no late night shopping at malls. no getting home at 11 o'clock if you close at a retail store. the store closes at six.

this speaks volumes to me. we have to have our malls open late and be able to shop. in the stores mind they need those hours to make more money. is it capitalism? sure. . .and its not the worst thing. but i think the irish, and much of europe gets the importance of relationships. everyone gets together at night. everyone buys a round for everybody. its the irish way. we want to shop. its the american way.

in no way do i mean to criticize america, but what we consider to be important. i only pray that more and more we will realize what is important and what does last. relationships with those we care about.

so take someone out to dinner. take 'em out to lunch. have a beer, a glass of wine, or a cup of coffee and spend some time getting reaquainted(i can't spell sometimes, so that might be wrong). just spend time and listen. i know i need to. i think we all should.

g'night. be good to each other. look at christ. peace

going to ireland

2005-05-22T15:00:00.000-05:00

well, today eileen and i are leaving for ireland. its crazy. i can't believe that i'm actually going.

i hope that i can mentally and emotional leave all my crap at home, and just enjoy the time. i've never been, and i want to experience everything that i can.

i need some direction. i have a lot of options, but not a lot of direction. there are quite a few things that i'm unsure about. what i want to do.

i want to get out of my job. not because of the people, but because i just can't continue to sit in front of a computer all day. it is slowly killing me from the inside. but i've said that before.

there's alot going on with the youth group. our youth pastor is leaving, and there could be a big transitionary period, and with 150 new freshman coming into the fold, there has to be strong leadership. i care about these kids. i want to see them grow closer to God, and closer to each other. that they experience true community. but its hard when thats not what they have grown used to.

there is a college group that i'm helping out with this summer. its definitely going to be interesting. its tough to get people to even consider new ideas. especially when the majority of the leadership of the group have all been involved for the past 3 years. i mean, there are some benefits to that, like knowing what doesn't work. but do they really know what doesn't work?

right now all it is, is taking a sunday morning structure and calling it something different. i don't think its going to work. i don't doubt anyone's heart in the matter. but if only the heart is there, but they don't translate that to seeking the best way to do ministry, how good is it to just have your heart in the right place?

anyways, while in ireland, please pray that God really speaks to our hearts. its gonna be an amazing time.

be good to each other. look at Christ. peace.