brochure

emerge postcards

bubbles

ever watch a kid play with bubbles. its really fascinating. its like they could do it for hours . . . just sit there and blow air into soapy water and make these H2O creations. and then, as soon as they've blown just enough, they run after them, popping as many of them as they can.

i like bubbles. they're really fun and simple. they're very amusing for those of us who are easily amused (thats me).

i used think it'd be fun to be able to get inside a bubble. to float around in the air, see the world from a different pespective. who knows, maybe end up in some far off land like california. this was one of those daydreams that could just go on forever, like a roald dahl book or something. who knows how it would end?

the thing is, if i was in that bubble, i couldn't experience what i was seeing. sure, i could see God's creation from a totally different view, but thats all i could do. see it. i could remember what the trees looked like, but i couldn't remember the texture of the bark. i could try to remember the heighth of a mountain, but i couldn't tell you what it was like to climb it, the experience of reaching the summit, the thrill of descent.

i could see all the people going to their respective jobs, interacting with each other, but i couldn't tell you what their personalities were like, what their character was. all i could tell you is if they used hand motions a lot or not. i could give you their physical description, but not their emotion or spiritual composition.

so as fun as a bubble might be, and as safe as it might be, i wouldn't really get to experience life. all i'd get is to see life. i would simply exist.

oh yeah, and i don't get to control where the bubble goes. i'm just in it. i simply go where the wind takes me. i'm not in control. i can certainly try, and it might work sometimes. but what if the wind is too strong and the bubble pops? that sucks. i'm not ready for it at all. who knows how high up i am, what i'm above or anything else that could contribute to painful re-introduction to earth.

but what would happen if i burst the bubble. what if i was prepared. i didn't know exactly what was going to happen, but i knew it would be something grand. there would be adventure, excitement, hurt, pain, fear and joy. i wouldn't know how these things would come, or when, or even if they would. but i knew there was the possibility of it.

i think this is what Jesus called his disciples to do in Acts. He told them to go into Judea and Samaria - lets stop there. Samaria was full of Samaritans. duh. and they were basically half-breeds, according to the Jews(Jesus' disciples were Jewish). and Jewish people at the time had a serious aversion to anything Samaritan. they looked down on them. they were tainted. but Jesus tells them to go there in order to spread the Gospel! i can't imagine the disciples faces. i'm sure they thought they should continue to spread the news to the rest of the Jews. but the Samaritans? that was out of the question.

but Jesus commands them. He calls them out of their comfort zones. to take a risk. they would most certainly be looked down on by those around them for being with Samaritans. i don't think Jesus is too worried about that. He's more interested in others knowing about His saving love.

(and interestingly enough, He starts his ministry under the largest empire the world has ever known with some fishermen who's education probably wasn't the best. he hands it over to them, a tax collector and prositutes. talk about a risk. thats not from the donald trump book for success. these are not the most eductionally qualified people for the job, but its who He turns it over to.)

talk about breaking a bubble. i can just imagine them drawing straws to see who has to go to Samaria first. i don't know if anyone would have jumped for that job. but its what their teacher called them to do. first they waited, then they went.

my guess is, when they broke their bubbles, it wasn't easy. but i don't think any of them regretted it.

take a risk. break your bubble.

be good to each other. look at Christ. peace.

verge

emerge

totally music

i just saw one of the best shows i've seen in a while. matisyahu and trey anastasio rocked the lawn at white river state park. the price of admission was well worth it just to see matis, but trey was amazing. i guess i had never realized his talent.

being around that good of music makes me want to write better music. it inspires me to leave from that place and be better than i was when i came there. these musicians strive for excellence, yet so often we settle for less than that in our lives, especially in what we are gifted in.

i find that because i know i can do something, and do it well, i will just do enough to be better than someone else, so i can keep doing said task. i won't really push myself to be excellent, but instead just enough. its actually kind of scary, because i know just how much i need to do to get by.

if i'm leading worship, and i'm responsible for picking out the songs, i'll do it just in time. without prayerfully considering the songs, without really trying to craft a worship environment. instead, i'm getting by. now, just because of my lack of preparation doesn't mean that God won't or can't accept those songs as worship. its the fact i that i know He will. i'm doing just enough.

and its not just related to music. its everything. and i really can't count how many times my mother has tried to get me to understand to strive for excellence. its like a daily reminder. but its in one ear, and out the other.

this is not to say that i never strive for excellence, i do. i just don't strive for it in everything i do. which needs to change. so there's the question, the rub if you will. . . . .

how do you make that change?

rejection

i believe that we all have fears that we will be found out. that some dirty secret will show itself, and those close to us will run away. we live in this fear. i live in this fear. this fear of rejection.

i'm not sure exactly where to trace this fear back to. but i'm sure somewhere along the lines an event changed me, and i moved forward forever scarred. maybe it was the feeling that God had placed all these expectations on me, and if i didn't follow all them, i would go to heaven. i used to lay in bed at night scared that the rapture would happen, and i would be left behind.(true story)

maybe it was the fact that i always told i could do better, but i felt like they were saying i wasn't doing good enough. or the condescending looks and words from people to whom i would confess a mess-up, and thereby totally removing the idea of a confession.

whatever it is, it effects me in everything that i do. i don't want to rock the boat, i want to keep those around me happy so that they don't leave me. maybe i'll speak my mind, maybe i won't. maybe i'll be honest, but not totally honest with how i feel because i don't want to upset anything. this isn't just in dating relationships, this is in everything.

i begin to play things out in my mind why people don't call me back, email me back, etc. i screwed up. i said something wrongs. i wrote something in an email that i shouldn't have. i took a joke too far. whatever the reason, i messed up and someone is unhappy with me, its probaby my fault and i need to reconcile. or else i will lose that relationship.

its like there is this list of things that i have check off as i go on with life. . . and i need to meet each one. if not, then i don't measure up. i'm not good enough. i'm not up to snuff.

you don't want me to work here anymore? there is legitimate reason? doesn't matter. . .
you're giving my responsibilities to someone else. . . now that i'm finally home? yeah, that stings. . . but i don't open my mouth . . . say how i really feel, because i don't want to rock the boat.

i'm just starting to get a grasp on this whole thing. now, i'm not trying to throw myself a pity party. . . i just find it easier to write on here than in a journal . . . thats a bit weird. . . but true.

i'm trying to figure out where to go with all this. praying for healing. trying very hard not to have a "f*** it all" attitude, cause that doesn't really do any good.

thats all.

oh yeah, check out matisyahu in the links. . . .hasidic reggae. . .very tight.

be good to each other. look at Christ. peace.