a bunch of thoughts put together on paper

there are ideas inside of me that can't get out.
more than words & emotions & singular notions
its just this . . . uhh, you know what i'm talking about?
its about the direction we're headed
its the way we speak to our brethren
both out and inside of the walls.
its choices we make
our craving to be on stage
and only let one side out.
see, i am coming out . . .
from behind my fears that HE who is able
can't take me there.
there is an image, a place, a conversation
hope for future generations in dying locations.
for if i have a dream that cannot be realized on this earth
i must conclude that i was made for someplace else.
another world.
so this idea, this vision, this U2-esque desire
cannot be achieved with one man's fire, right?
wrong.
it has been, can be, will be & shall be
because love nevers gives up and doesn't lose hope
so i won't.
i won't.

be good to each other. look at Christ. peace.

today and tomorrow

i hold in tension dreams and hope for tomorrow while living out who i am today. this is becoming very difficult because i tend to be a big dreamer. i want to figure out how things are going to work out; dream how things could be. sometimes, it's a nice distraction if a day sucks. other times it becomes a problem because those dreams almost become expectations.

i don't want to not be a dreamer. i don't want to not think big. but what i don't want most of all, is that in the process of looking towards the future so much, i forget about today. it can be so damaging.

now this is not my attempt at justifying reckless living and irresponsible rebellion. this is my attempt at not taking today for granted. because when we get caught up in dreaming about tomorrow, next week, next month, next year. . . . today gets lost. not that its bad to dream about those things, but thats what they are . . . dreams. today is reality. when tomorrow gets here, that will be reality. live it up, be the most you can be, be Christ to those around you, love others about yourself. . .

because thats what those big dreams can suck us into sometimes . . . thinking about what we want. what do I want to do.

living in the reality that today is all i have, that today is my chance to love in an extravagent way, it is my one chance to show that others matter more to me than me. . . i can't blow this anymore.

i don't want to live like this anymore.

i'll still dream. i'll still hope. but more importantly, i'm going to work on love today. work on putting others before me today. i won't always get it, i'll probably screw up a bunch. . . but i'm not stopping. . . and i'm praying that Christ transforms my heart gives me new eyes to see, and new ears to hear.

be good to each other. look at Christ. peace.

how does He get our attention

i think God wants to get our attention so many more times than we want to see it. and then it takes something really obvious, something blatant for us to get it. and its never out of anger, but instead i think it comes from a deep longing that He has for us to live in way that causes those around us the least amount of harm. and the way that causes us the least amount of harm.

i mean, thats the purpose of the ten commandments right? it wasn't about a God who was down on fun, it was about a God who wanted to protect his creation from themselves and the hurt that comes from making wrong choices and living in a way that doesn't show Christ to others.

so when God gets our attention, well, we would do good to follow his guiding. not so it pleases Him, but because He has our best intentions in mind. He doesn't want us to live in such a way that brings hurt to others and to ourselves.

but what about the times that it does? what about the times when how others live deeply affects us in a way that it cuts so deep? i don't think that its God's plan. i don't think thats how He intended for things to be, but thats the beauty of free will. we are given this life. one life. we get one go-around with no do-overs, no reset buttons, nothing like that. so i'm learning that it would do us well to follow those promptings to change.

because if its not the small promptings we follow, there will be bigger ones. and more painful ones, both in the revealing and the healing. i pray that we follow the small leadings.

be good to each other. look at Christ. peace.